Full Credits
Stats & Data
18 Funny Votes
2 Die Votes
2,697 Views
Published: November 24, 2014
Description: I'm a very funny writer. Also, I totally didn't steal these jokes from a stand up special I know no one will get to see.

By now, you may have read the news that Netflix will be shelving a new Bill Cosby special that was set to be launched on Thanksgiving. I was actually at the taping and, while it was funny and it’s unfortunate that no one will get to see it, this is clearly the right call. The accusations against Cosby are too horrible and too ubiquitous to even consider running the special.

Fortunately for comedy fans though, there are plenty of other places to look to for big laughs! For instance, I myself am a comedian and, if you don’t mind me tooting my own horn, I’m not half bad. So, to fill that comedy hole, here are some hilarious jokes that I wrote myself and definitely didn’t steal from the Bill Cosby special that none of you will get to see.

Enjoy!

Tweet 1.png

Ha! So here’s a hilarious tweet that I wrote about the different ways we view the elderly. On one hand, they’re a receptacle forknowledge who deserve our respect. On the other hand, they’re senile lunatics who we shouldn’t waste time listening to. It’s funny and true!

Okay, I know what you’re thinking; you’re saying, “Jon, you are not entering your 80s. Did you steal this joke from Bill Cosby’s cancelled special?” I can see where you’re coming from. But you have to remember, good joke writing is all about being able to write in many voices, not just your own.

Here’sanother one:

Tweet 2.png

Isn’t this always the case! One member of a relationship just knows when the other is going to forget an important date or event. It’s uncanny!

Of course, I can picture the comments already and to save time, I’ll answer your questions here: Yes, I am married. Yes, my wife’s name is Camille. No, that’s not an absurd coincidence. I totally wrote these jokes myself.

Tweet 3.png

It’s hard to capture hilarious and emotive physical comedy in text-form, but I think I nailed it here. I also really nailed how different the television standards are than they were just a few short decades ago.

I can hear all of you now. You’re saying, “Jon, you definitely are not working on a new show for NBC. This is really starting to sound like you stole it all from Bill Cosby.” To that, I simply ask if you’ve ever heard the expression “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have”? Well, I joke for the life I want. In that life, I’m working on a new NBC series and hilariously shocked by current television standards.

Here’s one last gem:

Tweet 4.png

Not to get too immodest, but I think this joke just perfectly creates a vivid situation. You have this character and, in only a few short words, I’ve filled out the world around him. There’s an audience and they love him. I’m really proud of this joke.

Anyway, all I’m saying is you don’t have to be upset that this terrible scandal has ruined your enjoyment of some great comedy because there’s stuff just as funny still out there. I’m also saying that I totally wrote these jokes myself and didn’t just steal them from a Bill Cosby special because I know no one will see it and I’ll be able to get away scott free. And I’m also also saying that, even if I did steal them from Bill Cosby,who cares? That dude’s probably a rapist.

Advertisement
Advertisement