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June 07, 2016

Shirt On At Pool Bod is way easier than Beach Bod.

With summer fast approaching, it might seem like every babe and Bob is getting their bod bikini-ready. But what if you take issue with a person subjecting themselves to months of training and dieting simply to satisfy an antiquated set of problematic ideals like a busty chest, flat abs, and curvy ass? Or maybe you just don’t like sand? Here are 7 new looks ideal for destinations that are NOT the beach that you should look into this summer.

Catholic Camp Bod

  • dusty knees from many installments of outside prayer
  • flexible fingers for if you’re doing “Here is the church, here is the steeple, open the doors, and here are the people"
  • sweaty, slightly stinky pits

Restaurant With Outdoor Seating Bod

  • lightly tousled hair
  • legs that fit under table
  • presentable, expressive face for communicating with waiters

Ice Cream Parlor Summer Job Bod

  • chubby tummy
  • chilled, dry handskin
  • long tongue for licking deep into cones to get the ice cream out of the bottom

Attending Pool Party With Shirt On Bod

  • no rules about swimsuits since you’re the dad so you won’t be swimming
  • hands that are good for gripping the steering wheel when driving kids to the pool
  • height greater than deepest part of the pool

Log Ride Bod

  • big, wet, baggy raisin skin
  • hands straight up in the air to express enjoyment
  • perfect vision since glasses are inconvenient on log rides

3D Movie Theater With Air Conditioning Bod

  • tired elbows that require adequate arm rests
  • slippery fingers impervious to sticky popcorn salt
  • perfect vision since glasses are inconvenient at 3D movies

Ran Into A Yellow Jacket Nest And I’m Allergic Bod

  • itchy, red, and bumpy all over
  • watery, bloodshot eyes
  • closed up throat that’s difficult to call for help through