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July 24, 2018

Obama finally finds success.

Nearly a year and a half after Obama has left the office, many of us are left wondering how our former President is filling histime. Obama has made the switch from politics to pottery by creating his very own Etsy enterprise. His latest venture as an Etsy Shop tycoon has proven to be extremely lucrative. Consumers are going crazy over his handcrafted ceramic wind chimes, customized pot holders, and wine charms. However, his number oneseller, personalized pet memorial stones, are selling like hotcakes. “Profits are up and my products are in high demand. I’m ranked 3rd on EtsyRank.com, just behind You’reMacrameCrazy! and Decoupage_Dad. I won’t stop until I’m the best. I’m going to be huge,” Obama stated in a Forbes interview. With such largeorders to fill, he has recruited members of his Secret Service to assist him inhis craft studio. “Sometimes we are up to six or seven in the morning bedazzling throw pillows. This is not in my job description,” said a weary-eyed Secret Service agent. Although business is thriving, his personal relationships are not. Allegedly, Michelle is staying with a friend in New York until business dies down. A source tells us, “Barack has become extremely autocratic due to his Etsy success. He’s having a hard time adjusting to this position of power and prosperity.”