Full Credits

Stats & Data

May 31, 2012

Pointing out the ridiculousness of people that bedazzle their privates.

Some of you may be asking, what the fuck is vajazzling?  I asked myself that same question not too long ago. So I decided to ask a friend.

Me: “What’s a vajazzle?” I asked.
Her: “It’s where they put sequins all over a cunt”, she replied.
 Me: Great, just what the world needs...a flash cunt.  Now your snatch can look like Flava Flav's grille.

I pride myself on knowing the ins and outs of vaginas and keeping up to date with twat trends.  I quickly realized I must investigate further.  Why would a woman cover her vajayjay in jewels?  The first thought that comes to my mind would be to impress men.  The problem is that guys could care less if your cooter looked like a visual rendition of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  If you really want to impress a man then make him a sandwich... triangle cut, extra bacon.  No guy has ever gone down there and thought, "Oh, these curtains could use some redecorating. Let's add a little sparkle!".  Men prefer to treat a woman's vagina like you would the sun... You can take a quick look, but it's dangerous to stare.  Obviously that's hard to do when it looks like the Las Vegas strip!  If you really wanted to impress a guy with your cooch make sure it isn't beaten up to the point that it looks like a rotten pound of deli meat.  Nobody wants to go to a place that's been filled with more bums than the NYC subway.

As if this isn't bad enough men are actually getting penazzled and balldazzled!  Someone actually woke up one morning and thought "Ah, what I nice day it is.  I think I'll go and dip my balls in glue and a bowl of glitter".  I'm familiar with the term "family jewels"  but I'm pretty sure it's not suppose to be literal.  Why would you want your schwantz to look like it just got a backstage pass to an Elton John concert?  If you really wanted your dick to sparkle then do the world a favor and tie an M-80 to it and light a match.  

Retarded trends such as this make me weep for humanity.  Not tears of sorrow but tears of laughter.  What a fucked up day and age we live in when women turn their vaginas into a glittered landing strip for cock and guys sport shiny disco balls.  Remember, if you decide vajazzling is right for you, then please, for the love of God, do not reproduce.  In fact, do humanity a favor and kill yourself.