Look, there’s something I need to talk to you about. I don’t know how to preface this so I’ll just come right out and say it. I have to throw you away honey. Now, before you get mad, I’ve given this a lot of thought. I’ve felt like this for a while but I didn’t know how to approach you. I know this isn’t what you want to hear but I have to do what’s best for me.
You made me believe 2015 was going to be a special but its clear now that it was all a pipe dream. What really hurts is that I believed you. I know its still four years away but I can’t lie to myself anymore.
I’m not even complaining about the flying cars. In fact, I always liked that about you. How your imagination would run wild. You were so cute when you’d show those cars whizzing by, heck that’s what drew me to you in the first place.
No, it’s the small lies that hurt, eating me away, getting my hopes up. It’s almost comical how I ever believed you. Like clothes that auto shrink. You know I’ve body issues and it’s hard for me to find a pair of men’s jeans that fit my curvy hips. I’m embarrassed every time I have to browse through the women’s section.
I mean babe, our entire relationship was built on lies: hover boards, power laced shoes, dehydrated pizza! I live with four guys and fridge space is a huge issue in our house. Having coaster-sized food would be a Godsend for me. It’s a struggle just to get half of a condiment shelf.
I know this is coming all at once, but I’ve kept this inside for a long time. I would look past this if this were it. But your habitual lying goes so deep that I can’t call myself a respectable movie viewer and still see you.
I know you’re asking, what are you talking about John? We had such a great time together. Well honey, you’d be right, if you didn’t promise fusion cell reactors in home appliance form! I hate to tell you, but given our lack of government funding for alternative fuel sources and the true lack of research into particle reactors we are a good generation away from practical fusion reactors and longer until they can be used in the home. But no, you promised an end to our dependence on foreign oil. As it stands now, I’ll still be forking up half my paycheck to fill my ’83 Toyota Truck. Oh and by the way, it is a classic O.K.!
Sorry for lashing out. It’s been an emotional time for me. My grandfather just passed away and I was extremely close to him. He’d take me to Cubs games when I was a kid and he was a true die-hard fan. But now he’s six feet under and even if he’d lived to 2015, there is no way, given the horrible mismanagement in the general office are the Cubs going to win in the next ten years. I was looking forward to seeing the joy on his face when they won, but now he’ll never know that joy, nor will I.
There is something I do need to tell you though before I end this. I saw a movie while I was with you. Trust me you don’t know the movie. Gattaca was bad news, too much of a control freak, kept asking me for blood and hair samples. I know it was wrong and I’m a total asshole for doing it, but I was confused and alone.
In the end, I thought I had something special with you. Before I met you I was seeing some real bad movies like Judge Dredd. It made me feel horrible about the future and really ate away at my self-confidence. I never thought I could love again, but then I met you. You were different. You showed me a future to wish for and my heart opened up again. But now, all that is gone.
I don’t expect you to get where I’m coming from but I think it’s best for both of us if I just take you out to the recycling bin tomorrow morning. I will always care about you, but a clean break is for the best.
Goodbye, and I will always cherish you, forever.