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Published July 08, 2008 More Info »
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Published July 08, 2008

I recently saw the homeless guy that lives in my neighborhood park working out at my gym. Well, technically he’s not homeless as he lives in his car, but I was still surprised to see him next to me on the Precor machine at Ballys. I always thought Bally Fitness was like the poor man’s CRUNCH, now I realize it’s the homeless man’s CRUNCH.

 

I hate going to the gym. I only go so that I can continue to eat my balanced diet of Mint Milanos, circus peanuts and Bugles. My friend John Bowie says that I eat like I’m always at an eight year old’s birthday party, well I say to him “Fuck you John Bowie, you don’t know me!! Now where is my piñata full of candy dinner?!”

It’s not that I don’t like vegetables; I’d just like them more if they were made out of bread and/or chocolate. However, I’m trying to eat healthier as I get older because I heard heart disease is the one of the leading killers of women (second only to being murdered by your husband). I now eat spinach…if it’s covered in sauce or cheese, and I almost ate broccoli once, but my body rejected all that iron and health.

Even though I eat terribly, I still think it’s important to stay in shape, because although I might be rotting on the inside, I want to look cute and stylish on the outside. That’s why I go to the gym so much and hopefully by the end of the summer I can fit into my “goal size" swimsuit. Here it is below-

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Wish me luck!!!

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