Full Credits

Stats & Data

July 02, 2014

Yes, it's over for the US. Here are some ways to move on.

  • Locate Belgium on a map, go there, make a friend and never speak to him again.
  • Remember that new US soccer season is only (????) months away!
  • Order some waffles at IHOP. When they come, insist you said pancakes and watch them throw em in the trash.
  • Call the Tim Howard closest to you and ask him to tell the real Tim Howard you said, “Good job.”
  • Punch a wall using only your head.
  • Have sex with your significant other but blow a whistle and say “No hands!” any time they try something.
  • Fly a kite into little kids’ kites until those kites are too damaged to fly.
  • Masturbate a bunch?
  • Forget about the US for a little while by burning all your flags.
  • Start a rumor that you slept with Belgium’s wife.
  • Remember we lead Belgium in Kate Uptons 1:0.
  • Build your own World Cup with hair scraps from the barber shop.
  • Remember that you didn’t care about this a month ago.