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February 05, 2016

Always check the label of what your using on your junk,

Sex toys. They are fun, healthy and very scary to buy in person. However, like all objects sold to humans, you’re going to want to check the warning labels before using them. Anyway, here’s twenty two joke warning labels we wrote.

  • If Swallowed, Nice.
  • Manufactured in A Facility That Processes Nuts.
  • Contains No Actual Penis.
  • Any resemblance to a real vagina, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
  • Just A Jar Of Peanut Butter.
  • Test Out On A Dog Or Something First
  • Caution: Melts In Butt
  • Expires 3/12/2013
  • Written And Produced By Adam Sandler
  • Objects In Rear May Seem Bigger Than They Appear.
  • Jason, if you’re reading this, please come home. Your mother and I miss you. We remember how much you used to love sex toys so I (hey, Dad, here) changed jobs from the calendar company to a sex toy factory on the off chance that you’d see this and finally come back from Jacksonville.
  • Does Not Come Out.
  • Any use without the NFL’s express written consent is prohibited.
  • Certified Pre-Owned.
  • Kid Tested. Mother Approved.
  • Living Animal With Own Ecosystem
  • Stay out of my room, dad.
  • Take one inch every 4 hours for optimal results.
  • Try Other Stuff First, This Is Sort Of A ‘Hail Mary.’
  • Please remain seated until the cum has completely stopped.
  • [Icon of an infant being crushed by it.]
  • I Cum Too.