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May 15, 2011

“I guess he knows I’m having a shitty day…”

So a couple of years ago I dated this guy. I was really into him too. He was hilarious, cute, blah blah blah… there were a couple of red flags though. I’m not talking like he made me watch German porn or anything, but here, let me give you an example:

Me (sitting in my cubicle): “God today SUCKS. No one is answering their phone and the few businesses I’ve actually been able to reach just hang up on me.”

Coworker in cube next to me: “Try calling your current customers, new business sucks this month for everyone.”

Me: “I am. Those are all my current customers that have been hanging up.”

Coworker: “Well, I don’t know what to tell you. You are terrible at your job. Want to go outside and smoke?”

Me: “Yes.”

***Beep Bow Bop Bweet Teep***

Me: “Oh look, someone is texting me.”

Coworker: “Is it John?”

Me: “Why yes it is. See? I’m having a shitty day and he just knows to text me. God I lo…”

Coworker: “What? What does it say?”

Me: “…”

Coworker: “What!? Is it dirty? Hahahah! Is it so naughty and you can’t even show me? You guys are so nasty!”

Me: “Um, you could say that…”

Coworker: “What? Just show me. Can you just show me?”

I hand over the phone.

Coworker: “Jesus Christ! I told you not to date a younger guy. Gross.”

John had sent me yet again a text message, actually a picture message of one of his latest creations. Some shit. Literally his shit, sitting in the toilet bowl.

Me: “I guess he knows I’m having a shitty day…”

Coworker: “You seriously need a life coach or something.”