Full Credits

Stats & Data

1Funny
0Die
2,178
Views
February 13, 2016
Published
Description

Local tabloid newsman and problem drinker/gambler Elliot Cooper-Smith has confessed to fixing football matches in the high-stakes 6 year old or younger football division.

February 12th, 2016

North Williamstown, NEWFOUNDLAND- Local tabloid newsman and problem drinker/gambler Elliot Cooper-Smith has confessed to fixing football matches in the high-stakes 6 year old or younger football division and is being made to pay a steep penalty of ₤27000 according to sources at NFLYFA, Newfoundland Youth Football’s governing body.

Investigations concluded that Mr. Cooper-Smith had been offering Disneyland tickets, candy, ponies, pony-shaped candies and other incentives to top ranked players in order to secure their cooperation in manipulating the score of matches that he and his partners had stake in. In a league that has been plagued by scandal after scandal, this is just the most recent example of the rife corruption present in the top echelon of toddler football. Not since the toddler doping scandal of 2002 has such scrutiny been brought upon the under 6 league.

With hundreds of millions of pounds at stake, many find the irresistible allure of easy money too much to resist come the start of the season as bribes and kickbacks are almost seen as part of the game. In addition to the charges of match fixing, Cooper-Smith could be additionally charged for slander as he falsely reported drug fueled orgies organized by the bookies for the players back in 1999. The tabloid newspaper ‘The Teency Weency Weekly’ where he has a column, has drawn criticism for posting youth sports related filth for decades.

Football, or “soccer” as it is correctly known, has deep roots going back hundreds if not thousands of years to rudimentary kickball games played to entertain nobility at feasts and other holidays in Orange County, California. Even at this early stage of development, wagering on the teams was a big part of the experience and corruption soon followed. Today, football and increasingly youth football, has become huge business both above and below the table. It remains to be seen however, if the sport’s credibility will suffer as a result.

Advertisement
Advertisement