I’m pretty sure Mario from Mario Bros didn’t want to save the princess, I think he was just forced to run right. I don’t think anyone really wanted to save the princess. They sent two unarmed plumbers to find her, (Italian voice) “yo, what if someone gives us problems looking for ‘er?”
“You can jump high right?”
“well yea, I’m Italian.”
“then jump on their heads”
“yeah, good idea.”
I would have sent Ninja Gaiden instead, would have been a lot quicker, if it were me I would have brought a gun. Grab the first Koopa Troopa I see by his little walking angry dick head face, “WHERE’S THE BITCH AT? YOU KNOW WHAT BITCH. NOW GO COLLECT ALL THESE COINS IN A BAG FOR ME OR I’LL BLOW FUCKING HEAD OFF.” The first one probably wouldn’t believe me so I’d pistol whip the shit out of him then throw him down some block steps and finally feed him to venus fly trap.
But no, they sent plumbers instead. You can tell they’re union too cause on the night levels Mario starts taking his sweet ass time… “Hey, it’s after 6… time and half.”
Also, you can tell that the Japanese invented the game, if it were us we’d have a ride at six flags and a baseball stadium named after Mario. It’s funny how the Japanese viewed us when they made the game: fat, Italians with mustaches that get high on mushrooms and fix shitters for a living with the most Italian names ever, Mario and Lougi.