Dating is often used as an excuse for closeted sluts to sleep around. As I have given life changing advice in the past on Reasons To Be A Slut, I would like to expand on that topic and inform others of why you should bang on the first date. You must ask yourself, “Why am I going on this date in the first place?” Most of the time, you are trying to find a potential mate – would you buy a car without giving it a ride first? No, and no pun intended. The worst feeling in the world, behind finding out your professor gave you a B in his class after you banged him, is having an amazing personal connection with another human being and finding out they stink at sex a few weeks into the relationship. With the population of the world soon to exceed 7 billion people, it’s safe to say that it will be easy to find someone whose good in bed. They maybe even be a good person, too.
Here are some reasons to have sex on the first date.
Reason (1) One - Religion. For you religious folk out there that are saving yourself for marriage, I have news for you: If Adam and Eve were actually real, then they had to have premarital sex. They were the only humans on earth, so who would have officiated the wedding – that talking snake that tricked that bitch into stealing the apple or whatever? So, I believe Adam and Eve had sex on the first date. If they didn’t, then you would not even exist. Mary went a step further and had sex with God without even meeting him. Now, that’s skill.
Reason (2) Two – Relationship. Now, this advice is for my home girls out there. Is your first date going, like, really really really good? Are you in love with him already? Of course you are, you overdramatic little slut. Here is what you need to do. Since you’re going to bang him anyways, you might as well spice things up. Rip the condom and hope to get pregnant. Not only will this force the guy to be in contact with you for 18 more years, or until he gives you $400 for the abortion, but if things after the first date actually get better, you already have a jump start on a young family. It’s a win win situation – well, not really.
Reason (3) Three – Insight. By having sex on the first date, you will have better insight into the type of person you will be potentially dating, in addition to understanding what they like sexually from the start. Also, you will find out what they don’t like. Do you know how many times my little heart was broken because a few weeks into a relationship, I find out my new fling does not like my Pubic Hair? A new twist on the “pull out and pray” method – pull out your pubes and pray that your date likes it.
- omg this is amazing