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March 20, 2009


(from my blog at whatgives.gainesville.com)

You’re caught up in the show on TV. You can feel the plot coming to a head, and you’re practically on the edge of your couch.

Technically, you haven’t moved a muscle as per Section Code 309(d) of Slackerdom. But, you’re on the edge of a mental couch, let’s say.

You’re rationing your blinks, this is how into the show you are.

Then, poof, a pop-up ad for “The Closer” appears in the corner of your TV screen.

It catches you completely off guard and you even jump slightly, thereby simultaneously breaking Code 309(d) and proving once and for all that you are easily startled.

“What the heck?” you say. “I was watching a show I CHOSE to watch. What gives you the right to hijack my screen with a miniature Kyra Sedgwick? If you have to invade my TV, why not with something like ‘Call this number now and get a free pizza’? Telling me to watch ‘The Closer’ does me no good.”

The more you think about it, the madder you get.

“What is the ever-loving point of those pop-ups anyway?” you grouse. “I mean I’m already watching TV. Do you really need to remind me there’s more TV out there while I’m watching TV? It’s not like I’m mowing the lawn or doing my taxes. I’m watching TV.”

You start channeling Dustin Hoffman in “Midnight Cowboy” all of a sudden. You thump your sofa as you exclaim, “I’m watching here! I’m watching here!”

You’re fired up now.

“Why can’t we just focus on one thing anymore?” you say. “Why does everything in life now require us to keep one eye here and the other there? We’re all going to go cross-eyed. Is that what they want? A nation of cross-eyed, hyper, twitching people?”

You exhale deeply in disgust.

Slowly your focus returns to the show you were originally watching, but you’re too distracted to really enjoy it now.


“TV invaders,” you mutter as you shuffle off to bed. “Where’s Homeland Security when you need them?”