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August 07, 2008


Okay, so you wake up from a dream where you, as a male, were frolicking about on acres and acres of boobies.  Your eyes jerk wide open and are suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of giddiness that can only be describe as a cross-between a fawning teenage girl at a Jonas Brothers concert and a fifty year old carwash manager discovering that he's hung like Ron Jeremy--or maybe you are, Ron Jeremy.

Anyway, my point is this.  Why the sudden elation?  Better still why not drown this irrational exuberance with a little real life and bring it down a peg.

You see once your day starts on a high note, it's all downhill from there.  You may as well stay in bed.  Unless of course you happen to be lying next to your snoring wife.  In which case you run like hell.  But, what do you when this feeling, so profound, has taken over every sensibility you can muster?

The solution is simple.

Before going to bed do not leave the TV on.  Better yet, don't watch anything on Cinemax, instead, check out Animal Planet.  Or late night reruns of Welcome Back Kotter on TVland...can you think of a better buzzkill than watching Horshack explain why he doesn't gravitate towards women?

The deal is to always fall asleep on a bummer. This way when you wake up, it will be foul.  And of course it couldn't get any worse.  Unless you're Horshack stuck between floors on an elevator filled with Phi Beta Kappa sisters on spring break. OY! The tsiris!