Hello, world. I am a golden retriever named Rusty and I am officially announcing my plans to boycott the upcoming film A Dog’s Purpose. A shocking video surfaced yesterday showing a German shepherd being abused on set. I will not link to it because it is very disturbing and also I am a dog and don’t know how links work. Due to this horrific footage, I refuse to support this film. Also, I am a dog, so I don’t ever go to movies.
I might just be a dog, but I know film production is rough. Hah, see what I did there? I am such a good boy. But seriously, film production is rough. A lot of people are working hard, making personal and physical sacrifices to create something greater than themselves. But that doesn’t give anyone an excuse to almost drown a helpless doggy to get a shot. I cannot in good conscience buy a ticket to this movie after seeing this footage. Also, as I have previously stated, I am a dog. I can’t buy tickets to any movies. I can’t really buy anything. I don’t have any money, just some bones buried in the backyard and several tennis balls that I chew and slobber on.
I encourage all my fellow dogs to boycott A Dog’s Purpose. Here’s a list of fun things you can do instead of going to see this abusive trash:
- Chew on your ass
- Sleep all day in the sunny spot of the floor
- Lick your dick (if you have a dick, I have one, lick it all the time, it’s my favorite)
- Drag your butt on the carpet
- Bark at the mailman
- Be a good boy
Dogs boycotting this movie isn’t just important, it’s also very easy. As a dog, I pretty much boycott the theatrical release of every movie that comes out since I am a dog and I don’t go to movies. I only lift my boycott when the film is released on Netflix and my owner Scott watches it, but Scott mostly just likes to watch The Office. Scott has probably seen every episode of The Office twice by now, but he still likes to watch it every night when he makes dinner. I watch it too. It is a good show, I like it very much.
But even if I could go to this movie, maybe as an emotional support dog or in a trench coat with a people mask like the Ninja Turtles used to do on the old Ninja Turtles cartoon (Scott also likes to watch the old Ninja Turtles cartoon), I would decline the opportunity. Even if there were treats and snacks and steak and bacon. And I LOVE treats and snacks and steak and bacon.
If you’re a human who likes dogs, you should also boycott this movie. Because seriously, fuck them all in their stupid ears for what they did to that sweet good boy.
Thank you for your time. I love you very much.