Full Credits

Stats & Data

November 14, 2011

Todd was recently fired from Best Buy in New York City for lying on his job application. He used his middle name, Oliver, to attain his employment. While working at Best Buy, he had the most sales and was employee of the month for two months in a row. Which was exactly how long he worked there.

Everyone loved Todd, I mean Oliver. He told the best jokes in the break room and always brought doughnuts on Monday mornings. Oliver was even in line for the assistant manager position. If you’ve ever worked in sales at Best Buy, then you should know how hard it is to achieve that position and all the perks involved.

It was like a dream for Todd, when he wasn’t Oliver. He had never felt any success in his life, simply because his name was Todd. In high school, he never made any of the sports teams or any after school academics. All of his friends made fun of him and only kept him around because of his hot sisters, which were all beautiful and became very successful in their careers.

Todd was not going to give up. Never. He decided in the fifth grade that he would never let his name get in the way of becoming a success. He didn’t care what he was a success at, as long as when he achieved it he could yell out; “I am Todd and I nose tackled my life like a Wall Street accountant trying to unload orange juice before the day closed out. And to all my fellow Todds… you too can achieve your dreams!”

So now, he’s up at 5:00AM everyday and on the subway by 6:00AM. He averages about four interviews a day but still can’t land a job. Every interview would last about twenty seconds. Once the interviewee noticed his name was Todd, the interview was over. They’d look at him like a criminal. As if, he wasn’t welcome to share the same air in the room.

It took Todd a few months of trying as hard as he could, to realize that he was short changed on life. Starving and struggling to stay clean, he tried to sell everything he could at Goodwill. Sadly enough though, Todd was recognized by an employee as soon as he entered the Goodwill. Two days later, the same exact thing happened at a pawn shop and the next pawn shop and the one after that.

Crying and yelling towards the sky while hoarding in his aunt Diane’s basement, Todd started flipping through his year book from his senior year. The crying became worse with every picture of every person that never gave him a chance. Then, like a strike of lightning, he saw a picture of Bobby Michaels, the town drug dealer. Todd never wanted to ever do anything illegal but it had come to that point.

Not only had Todd been berated his entire life for simple being named Todd, but babysitting his nephews had become the next unwanted success in Todd’s solace. They’d made fun of him constantly, never listened to anything he said, and they once tied him to a chair with duct tape while they watched reruns of Momma’s House.

“No more tears” had become Todd’s new mantra. The next day he found Bobby Michaels hanging out in the park, nonchalantly, selling drugs. Todd approached Bobby as the broken man that he was, and confessed his willingness to join Bobby in taking over the random park drug market. Bobby, laughing his ass off, decided to give Todd a chance. Todd worked his way up to a level of mutual respect by doing things that are not worth writing, or reading for that fact. After ten years Todd and Bobby have taken over twenty-seven parks’ drug scene and continue to grow as we breath the air that graces our lungs with the liberty and freedom of not being named Todd.

The End