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June 12, 2012

Brian writes monologue jokes every day. This is one of those days. He may or may not be incarcerated. You can find more at http://brianunderstands.tumblr.com and tell him he’s a muffin on Twitter @BrianLisi. Thank you.

Former British Prime Minister Gordon Brown said Rupert Murdoch lied about a conversation they had. A big accusation against the founder and owner of Fox News.

The House Oversight Committee says it may cite Attorney General Eric Holder with contempt for failing to provide requested information. "Just let us touch your black person hair," said the committee.

A report from the Federal Reserve showed that the average American family was worth the same amount of money in 2010 as they were in the early 1990s. Proving yet again how foolish we were to think parachute pants would gain value.

In an interview, comedian Tommy Chong said, "I've got prostate cancer, and I'm treating it with hemp oil, with cannabis." So next time you're at Tommy Chong's house, don't go putting your mouth on any bong you find.

British Prime Minister David Cameron forgot his 8-year-old daughter in a pub. And here British people were beginning to think he wasn't normal.

An unmanned drone crashed during a test in Maryland. "Why of course it crashed, it didn't have a pilot," said a person from the 1920s.

In Georgia, members of the KKK want to adopt a highway. To be fair, a burning cross would make those exit signs a lot easier to see at night.

Former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak is reportedly in a coma. Guards are on watch however in case it turns out to be a pyramid scheme.

Kris Humphries contacted the FBI Friday when a former lover tried to blackmail him. However, it was not ex-wife Kim Kardashian, as she just likes black male in general.

Lady Gaga was hit in the head by a pole during a concert in New Zealand. To show there were no hard feelings, she wore the pole as an outfit.

A woman was awarded $3 million from a doctor after her husband died while cheating on her in a ménage à trois. The doctor was deemed to be at fault since he prescribed her husband a complete loss of individual choice.

A "Dirty Dancing" remake has been pushed off until 2014 from its original date of July 2013. Primarily to avoid confusion with "Dirty Danson: The Ted Danson Story" coming out that same month.