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August 02, 2010

A Public Service Blog by the one and only Chilliwagon

The Chilliwagon is back and hornier than your mothers pool boy. I'm here to talk to you today about those little bastards that cause BIG problems (especially on my extra large FLIBERDEEGOO), STfuckingD's (Stuff that Tortures your Dick). These little misfits can do work on your reproductive lady-bangers, but not the good kind of work like shaft reconstruction or head enlargement. We are talking about full-blown awfulness, I'm not going to lie to you, I've had one or two of these pesky bitches, but luckily my man meat is so amazing it just karate chopped that shit right off. But while experiencing it, I can only say 'fuck', that's it. I can honestly tell you that a dirty man from Mexico would even be discusted, he probably would not blow you. There are hotlines you can call, and people to talk to, you can consult your closest friends or go to proffesionals, because everyone needs that Spanish Sucker in their life. Wait I lost track of where this note was going. STDs! THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS. Here's what you want to do: 1. Meds, they help, without meds I would not be the man I am today, I also wouldn't have nearly drowned in my dishwasher but that's beside the point. 2. Ointments, what's better than this option? Not only is it ridding you of dirty fungus, you also get to rub yourself in public! Well, i suppose you could do it at home, but if you have smooth cream and a penis have fun trying to wait! 3. The porn industry is calling out your name, why even try to clean yourself up? Just join us! There's so much disease going around its basically just like swapping used condoms! ! You may be thinking: woah wait, swapping used condoms is one completely normal thing but diseases? I dunno.. well here's the deal. The women, other than their cellar situation, are wonderful and the men, with their full moustaches, gigantic bicep, hard abdominals, firm buttocks, silky knee caps, lucious man hair and penetrating eyes, are the best in the business. 
You all know me, I'm THE Ray Chilliwagon, and all I'm trying to say is: get STDs and join the porn industry. Thank you.

PS: Ok I have some things to clear up I guess. First of all I'm supposed to tell you that you SHOULD not get STDs because they are painful and look really gross. Secondly, heres a crazy thing, it turns out WOMEN vaginas contain STDs too! WHAT!? I KNOW! All this time I thought our man problems came from unwashed sheets! CRAZY! Well thats all Im supposed to add, Chilliwagon out. and in. and out again, but never ejaculating.