Full Credits

Stats & Data

August 01, 2011

why a hate video games

 video games. they are the annoying, bleeping, virtual realities hidden inside brainy boxes such as the "xbox" that are almost definatly more fun than your own realities. these are explored by teenage men and 40 year old virgins; acclaimed titles include COD (cacegon on duty) and GTA (game twat army.) this is the only form of media were if you don't perform brilliantly you are excluded from enjoying the rest of the game that you paid for.imagine if after finishing a chapter of a book. and then imagine that if you failed these questions you would have to reread the entire chapter.you know have some idea of how irritating this is.
however the thing that annoyes me the most about these games is teenage boys obsession with watching people play them on youtube.these futile clips often contain strangers "brilliant" headshots.eugh.through these clips a new "gamers language" has emerged containing such non-sensicall verbs as "quikscope" "no-scope" and "360".
games such as GTA invlove you driving around in virtual traffic;in a virtual car; in a virtual fucking city all of which can be done in the real word with arguably more fun.COD is an unrealistic "realistic shooting experience" where you act as an incredibly american soldier chasing terroists across different cities. then there's Halo. the geeks game. within halo's worryingly pointless realms you can run across long maps, shott badies and drive cars so its basically GTA set in the future. halo have a spin off series of books whose key demographic it seems is kids who have had there consoles taken away from them by there ever loving parents and need something new to fullfill there nerdy needs; these books provide there daily dose of dork.

if i had my way with these teenagers (which admitedly i proberly won't) i would make them do the activities they do in these games in the real world: I would laugh as they attempt to manoeuver real cars in real traffic; i would cackle at there pathetic attempts of random cruellty before there pus and blood ozzing faces are slammed into the mud by police officers; and i would scream with lafter as they attempt to track down criminals in the real worlds before being taken away into the mountains and tortued.
so we can conclude that; these games are for pre adolecent pus bubbles with opposing thumbs and nothing better to do. is that what we have evolved to do? did we grow fingers and thumbs so that we can spend our evnings, afternoons and mornings on these bleeping ,better than real life, realties?