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January 29, 2012

The equine star speaks out about how it feels to have his performance completely overlooked by the Academy.





Equine star tells his neigh-sayers to go buck themselves


HOLLYWOOD – Hold your horses! Looks like one angry star snubbed by the Academy this year is organizing a buck-ott of the awards ceremony, after his performance garnered “barley” any Academy  v-oats.

Call it a case of sour grapes if you will, but the horse who played the horse from “War Horse” is in a rather bad mood after being overlooked for a Best Supporting Actor nomination.

The film “War Horse” managed to garner 6 nominations, including one for Best Picture, however it was completely overlooked in the acting categories. Preferring to celebrate this film as a whole, nobody else involved with “War Horse” has spoken out about a possible snub, but the horse who played the horse from “War Horse” took special note to hire an interpreter to tell us exactly how he feels.

Several angry hoof clops were made, and then intern horse whisperer Simon Gail relayed to us, “Look, I’m not saying you should nominate me just because I’m a horse. Obviously, not every horse deserves a nomination for every horse movie. “Secretariat” was a steaming pile of our s---. However, I was hoping that my performance could’ve paved the way for the aspiring young horse performers of the future.”

“ I want them to know they can grow up to be more than just a buggy-puller for rich pretentious tourists, or that there are options for them beyond having a midget sit on their back until they’re too f---ed up to even walk straight and get sold for glue. It’s just rather unwise to completely ignore a very good horse’s performance,” the horse who played the horse from “War Horse” added, taking a mighty chomp off an eight-inch carrot.

The horse who played the horse from “War Horse” made a rare public appearance at the Academy of Arts and Sciences’ First Annual Panel for Non-Humans Who Did Really Well In A Movie, though he stated he for sure wouldn’t be attending the actual ceremony after the injustice of being passed over. The horse who played the horse from “War Horse” also stated he’s no fan of host Billy Crystal after he nearly ruined horse movies forever by making “City Slickers II”.

This year’s nominations also disappointed several other non-human performers. Andy Serkis failed to receive any recognition for his performance as the revolutionary ape Caesar in “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”.  When asked if he thought the art of motion-capture would ever be recognized as legitimate performing, a roaring drunk Serkis  still donning a lime-green motion-capture suit replied,  “F--- you! I was Smeagol!”

“They’re going to be sorry they ever f---ed with this horse,” Gail interpreted yet again, apologizing and insisting that he was trying to make the horse’s words as appropriate as possible and he was censoring as much as he possibly could. “You’ve gotta have a big d--- to make it in this industry, and I’m hung like – well, one of my species.”