Thanksgiving can be a notoriously awkward meal. When your crazy Uncle Larry starts up on his Tea Party rant, are you just supposed to bite your tongue? Well, there’s a way to make your political points without rocking the gravy boat: Talk about food instead. By cleverly disguising your views, you’ll soon have Uncle Larry meeting you in the political middle.
Political Point: Immigration reform is necessary and the time for political grandstanding is over:
Food Substitute: “I used to only like white meat, but now I’ve come to accept dark meat as an important part of the turkey.”
Political Point: Income inequality undercuts our democracy.
Food Substitute: “Don’t take so much stuffing.”
Political Point: Action in Syria against ISIS is pointless without a clear exit strategy, otherwise we’re going to repeat the mistakes of Iraq and Afghanistan.
Food Substitute: “You sure you want more creamed onions? Last time they gave you heartburn.”
Political Point: Executive action by President Obama is necessary in the face of congressional intransigence.
Food Substitute: “There is one host of Thanksgiving; if the guests fail to carve the turkey, the host must act or no one eats.”
Political Point: The alleged “mandate” of the Republican victory in the midterms doesn’t invalidate the “mandate” of Obama’s victory in the last presidential election. Turnout was at a record low and Republican approval ratings are at an all-time low!
Food Substitute: “Just because I chose pumpkin pie, doesn’t mean I don’t like apple pie! Neither pie is to my liking, pecan being my favorite. Pie is not a zero-sum game.”
Political Point: Gay marriage acknowledges the humanity of all our citizens.
Food Substitute: “Yams are the same thing as sweet potatoes. Yams should be able to marry just like sweet potatoes.”
Political Point: Rand Paul has a certain surface appeal, though some of his less-publicized ideas are outside the political mainstream.
Food Substitute: “You’re right, there’s just something about cranberry sauce from a can, even if that can is an isolationist with fringe libertarian views. Surely you admit that the cranberry sauce’s dad was a nut!”
Political Point: Obamacare is working! Ha ha!
Food Substitute: “Yum! Great Obamacare, and also great green beans with almond slices!”