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Van Full Of Candy
6 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
424 Views
Published May 25, 2011


Ok seriously China what the fuck is wrong with your peripheral neuropathy? I guess the better question to ask would be "what the fuck is wrong with your cutlery manufacturers"?

A few months ago I wrote about a man in China who was stabbed in the head. In the goddamn'd head people! The blade of the knife broke in his skull and was lodged in zombie-boy's cranium for four wonderful years. THIS time a 26 year old Chinese lady, Ying Shi, was stabbed in what I'd best describe as the asshole, or the Sphinxbox, or ... well here's a list of possibilities. She was stabbed in a mugging in which the 6" blade broke off in her ass, was in there for four months before she got herself checked because of severe stomach pains.

Now come on, is this some sort of joke China? Do you have some sort of anti-tourism campaign due to sloppy mugging tactics in place to keep us filthy Americans out of your country? These stories are just too far fetched, and two broken-knife-in-body-stabbings stories where blade in oriface go unnoticed are just too unbelieveable. I've seen the "picture" you've supplied as "evidence", and I'd have to say it would be best described as "The World's Worst Anal Porn DVD Cover Ever!".

Perhaps this is some sort of misdirected jealousy against our Ginsu Knives of the late 70's/early 80's? It makes total sense. We steal the extremely Chinese'y sounding name, we brand it with Asian'esque lettering and then the final slap in the face, we use your Ming Dynasty aura to sell millions of them. So now you're trying to duplicate the miracle blade, but your R&D budget is so non-existent that the only real way to test the strength and sharpness of your Made-In-China version is to go around stabbing people to see if the blade is up to spec, but the damn handle keeps breaking so back to the drawing board.

So I guess you'll just have to make your own decision as to what's the truth for this Chinese knife implant epidemic. Either she was actually mugged or she came up with the best ever solution for keepingĀ one's boyfriend from begging to Plow The Back Field.

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