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January 20, 2017
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Donald Trump Ditches Traditional Bible, Plans To Be Sworn In On A Pocket Pussy

Washington D.C. -Hundreds of years of tradition will come to an end this Friday as Donald Trump has decided to forego the traditional Bible and be sworn in on something he loves putting his hands on without permission, a pussy. And not just any pussy,but the all-new Trump Gold pocket pussy. A spokesman for the Trump transition team stated, ”When it comes to the Donald, this just felt natural”. His spokesperson continued to lie out the rest of Trump’s inaugural entrance plans, from the tic-tac flavor he plans to carry, to the uncomfortable celebratory kiss with his daughter Ivanka. “Most people think that Donald carries the orange tic-tac’s, but he actually specially imports the all-white spearmint tic-tac’s. He feels as though they’re the purist form.”

Trump supporters around the country may not be able to attend the inauguration, but they will be able to celebrate this historic move by ordering their own engraved inaugural Trump Pocket Pussy. The Inaugural pocket pussy will sell for the low price of $45. All proceeds will go to Trump and his family.

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