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November 02, 2015

A drunk woman at the zoo recently got bit after trying to pet a tiger. Here are some other fun things to do at the zoo when you're drunk.

At the Omaha Zoo last week, a tiger bit a drunk woman aftershe broke into the tiger’s pen with the sole intention of petting it. That got us thinking — what other awesome things are there to do at the zoo when you’re drunk?

  • Put 20 neckties on a giraffe.
  • Play wingman to a couple of birds you noticed were eyeing each other.
  • Strike up deep conversations with anyone who will listen about how “maybe we are the ones really living behind cages, you know?”
  • Show a gorilla your tits.
  • Teach a penguin how to shotgun a beer.
  • Puke in the turtle pond.
  • Take a hair straightener and uncurl a pig’s tail.
  • Free all the animals and leave a board game on the ground so everyone blames Jumangi.
  • Insist that you are not leaving the zoo until you meet Kevin James.
  • Buy a hamburger from the zoo concession stand and perform a funeral service out in the parking lot. Deliver eulogy and say, “At last, in death you are free.”
  • Set up an ice luge on a camel’s back and do tequila shots.
  • Give a pig a makeover like that pig in She’s All That who ended up pretty.
  • Hotbox the bat cave and check how many fall off the ceiling.
  • Moon the wolves to see if they howl at it.