Full Credits

Stats & Data

March 29, 2013

My Mind On Digital Paper


An insignificantly small group of really tall fat people have brought the "Defense of Height Act" before the Supreme Court. The "Defense of Height Act" or DOHA, is a bill to raise taxes on anyone that is smaller than the average height and weight of the members of the group, which is 6 feet tall and 250 pounds. DOHA was put into place because this small group of giant people complained about the fact that shorter people spend less money on food each year since their smaller stature requires fewer calories in order to live. This is an act that goes past party lines. Fat Republicans and fat Democrats are both waddling aboard to support their fellow fat asses.

“I don’t think its fair that I have to spend more money in order to live just because I’m bigger and taller than the next guy” proclaims Doug Winfeld a South Georgia behemoth. “It ain’t my fault that the good Lord blessed me with such a masculine frame that makes me bigger than the rest of all them girly men out there. Yeah I may be fat too but that ain’t the point, it’s just not natural for a real man to be so small and get to spend less money on food in order to live” he says after shoving a whole Chick-Fil-A sandwich down his throat in one bite.

The Defense of Height Act will be brought to the Supreme Court in the upcoming week. Educated people are completely baffled by the fact that the Supreme Court would even recognize such a farce. “The government can’t exclude or tax a certain group of people based on the make up of their DNA. It’s just not right,” says Georgetown professor Julia Childress. We shall see if she’s right… if we can see anything at all past the mountains of flesh crowding the streets of Washington DC.