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June 16, 2013

Dad leave long ago? Never knew him in the first place? Don't even know what a "dad" is? Well, in honor of Fathers Day, I've compiled a list of ways to recognize a dad. Use this list to find yours again or replace him with any other dad you know.


  • An unhealthy obsession with inanimate objects (tools, guns, cars- basically anything that isn't you)
  • A toolbelt or fannypack around the waist
  • A generally confused look while dealing with his Motorolla Razor
  • Refusal to get directions from anyone
  • A very strokable beard (STOP STROKING HIS BEARD)
  • A very bright Hawaiin button up
  • A pair of Oakleys from 1984
  • Long socks with pants that are way too high
  • A pair of New Balances or Reeboks 
  • Denial of completely terrible dance moves (The Kid N Play Stepover and Roger Rabbit are no longer relevent or acceptable)
  • A bag of charcoal and a bottle of barbecue sauce
  • A nice, half-drank Bud Light in hand
  • A baseball cap that looks like he wore it during his Little Leauge days

If the strange man you're staring at from afar fits any of this description then congratulations, you've got a dad! Now go get him before he runs away like your real one!