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December 30, 2008


A bar is now offering job tips along with a free beer. The tavern hopes that the comfortable setting and sound advice will help people get back on their feet in this difficult time.

Sources close to one patron say, "Getting a job, meant a steady paycheck, which meant more beer. You can't go wrong with that combo. Hey beer tender! Get me another bar!"

In New York, three men were busted breaking into a car, when one of the offenders accidentally called 911 by bumping his phone in his pocket. The operator heard the men talking about taking the tires off of the vehicle. The operator dispatched police to the scene.

Although pocket dialing, a term used for accidental dialing, is rather common, it has not replaced pocket pool, which remains the number one pocket pastime.

A family's Christmas present, a Shih Tzu puppy, fell down an abandoned well. Romeo's people called 911, however, firefighters were unable to dislodge the shit, I mean Shih Tzu. So they hooked up an industrial vacuum and sucked the shit, I mean Shih Tzu, right out of there.

Sources close to Timmy, Lassie's owner say, "Dogs are supposed to save people, not the other way around. What a dumb piece of shit, I mean Shih Tzu."

Bristol, the 18-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston.

Sources close to everyone everywhere say, "Big fucking deal."

* BFD = Big Fucking Deal