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March 24, 2015

Crazy Uncle Nick sends out his annual Christmas letter to all of the family.

Hey family, friends, close acquaintances, or people who stumbled upon this video on vimeo. Avidazen and happy holidays. Just a quick rundown of what your crazy uncle Nick has been up to.

I got the settlement from that mail truck that ran over my foot. A whole 1,300 dollars, apparently that ol’ gag has run its’ course for big time payouts. Probably should have done my research before I tweeted about the upper deckers I left throughout our entire 21st floor office complex I worked in and got fired. How does one do that you ask? It’s essentially a 3-stepplan –Taco Bell breakfast, Dunkin’ iced coffee, and a cost-co collection of laxatives, and a hefty amount of time playing Ms. Pac-Man.

On the upside, I did meet what I thought was the Karate Kid,Ralph Macchio. He was delivering ice cream to a Kroger, and after half an hour of arguing I realized it wasn’t him, so I stole his dollie and filed 7complaints to the “how is my driving” hotline on the back of his truck.

Upgrades, shall we talk upgrades? You all remember that 93’Altima I had that purred like a lion? Course you do, at least 6 of you have had to jump start it. I traded that to Tommy Nelson, the all-star pitcher down the street for his chrome Haro bike. It’s got some sweet pegs, if you ever need a ride.

Numbers, shall we talk numbers? I have gotten banned fromthe following retailers from everything from theft, to screaming out full movie synopsis for films such as – big trouble in little china, Angels in the Outfield, American History X, and a completely fictionalized version of Mighty Ducks 7 where Emilio Estevez comes down with a nasty case of Benjamin Button and gets coached by the guy that played Charlie. The aformentioned retailers include: Tommy Bahama, The San Diego Zoo, Claire’s, Pizza Hut, Nordstrom Rack, Sunglass Hut, Lenscrafters, OKCupid, Pearlvision,and 1-800 contacts. If anyone could spare any contact lenses or solution, boy I sure would appreciate it.

Cigar, should we talk cigars? John, Tom, Paul, and Ringo – I hope you enjoy the Cuban Cigars I stole for you. Those TSA guys aren’t as tough as they look.

As a return reminder we’ll all have to come to my studio apartment this year, as this little anklent here keeps me within a few dozen feet of this here piano. Perhaps as a favor, you all could help me remove it. See you all soon.