Hey family, friends, close acquaintances, or people who stumbled upon this video on vimeo. Avidazen and happy holidays. Just a quick rundown of what your crazy uncle Nick has been up to.
I got the settlement from that mail truck that ran over my foot. A whole 1,300 dollars, apparently that ol’ gag has run its’ course for big time payouts. Probably should have done my research before I tweeted about the upper deckers I left throughout our entire 21st floor office complex I worked in and got fired. How does one do that you ask? It’s essentially a 3-stepplan –Taco Bell breakfast, Dunkin’ iced coffee, and a cost-co collection of laxatives, and a hefty amount of time playing Ms. Pac-Man.
On the upside, I did meet what I thought was the Karate Kid,Ralph Macchio. He was delivering ice cream to a Kroger, and after half an hour of arguing I realized it wasn’t him, so I stole his dollie and filed 7complaints to the “how is my driving” hotline on the back of his truck.
Upgrades, shall we talk upgrades? You all remember that 93’Altima I had that purred like a lion? Course you do, at least 6 of you have had to jump start it. I traded that to Tommy Nelson, the all-star pitcher down the street for his chrome Haro bike. It’s got some sweet pegs, if you ever need a ride.
Numbers, shall we talk numbers? I have gotten banned fromthe following retailers from everything from theft, to screaming out full movie synopsis for films such as – big trouble in little china, Angels in the Outfield, American History X, and a completely fictionalized version of Mighty Ducks 7 where Emilio Estevez comes down with a nasty case of Benjamin Button and gets coached by the guy that played Charlie. The aformentioned retailers include: Tommy Bahama, The San Diego Zoo, Claire’s, Pizza Hut, Nordstrom Rack, Sunglass Hut, Lenscrafters, OKCupid, Pearlvision,and 1-800 contacts. If anyone could spare any contact lenses or solution, boy I sure would appreciate it.
Cigar, should we talk cigars? John, Tom, Paul, and Ringo – I hope you enjoy the Cuban Cigars I stole for you. Those TSA guys aren’t as tough as they look.
As a return reminder we’ll all have to come to my studio apartment this year, as this little anklent here keeps me within a few dozen feet of this here piano. Perhaps as a favor, you all could help me remove it. See you all soon.