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January 27, 2017
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"If feeding your child at the bus station and paying people to record it isn’t the highlight of your day, then honey, you’ve got issues."

There’s a real stigma in this country against women that prefer to breastfeed when lots of people are watching. It’s 2017, and we need to stop judging women who get off on that.

Like many mothers, I’ve had insults and nasty looks hurled at me when breastfeeding my son in public. Fortunately, that’s the part I like the best.

A lot of women say they don’t particularly enjoy breastfeeding in front of other people, but do it because they don’t have a better option at that particular moment. With all due respect, that is messed up. If feeding your child at the bus station and paying people to record it isn’t the highlight of your day, then honey, you’ve got issues.

Women have had to fight for everything they’ve gotten in this country, and I refuse to go back to a time when I didn’t tandem breastfeed in crowded elevators.

More than once, I’ve heard ignorant people try to shame women into going to the restroom to breastfeed. Well, I don’t know about you, but I’ve never seen a public bathroom that I’d want to feed my baby in. They’re usually filthy, you can barely fit a dozen audience members in most of them, and they almost never have bleachers.

Sorry, but that just doesn’t work for my family.

Enlightened men like to see women breastfeed. They actually seek it out. That’s how feminist they are. Not all dudes are that progressive yet, but I’m optimistic that over time they’ll come around. The arc of history bends towards women exclusively breastfeeding on jumbotrons.

Surprisingly, a lot of women at McDonald’s have bizarre hang-ups about helping my baby latch onto my bosom. Just because we’re complete strangers and you’re eating doesn’t make it right for you to deprive my baby of much-needed milk. My son depends on those nutrients to grow. The way I see it, you’re either part of the problem, or you’re hoisting my baby to my nipple while I chow down on McNuggets.

Progress is never easy.

Sometimes even my own husband gives me a hard time about breastfeeding in front of people I tricked into coming by setting up a fake flash mob. I know he means well when he begs me to stop showing up at his job and breastfeeding on his coworkers’ laps, but he simply doesn’t get it. It’s about strengthening the bond between mother and child and Gabe from accounting.

My hope is that through commonsense legislation, all nursing mothers will one day be given generous tax credits to breastfeed onstage at the Super Bowl halftime show.

Only then will true equality have been achieved.

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