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Published February 20, 2011 More Info »
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Published February 20, 2011

Just in time for President’s Day, scandalous new entries revealed from the Eleanor Roosevelt diaries:

I do wish there a program where young American would-be idols could display their talents. Perhaps one day…

Workshopping my new performance art piece, The Baker’s Wife. Heinz feels I could go heavier on the butter.

Considering adopting a boy and naming him Carlton Publican Roosevelt. Then he could go by CPR.

Every First Lady has a special issue or cause of her own. For me, I always knew it had to be pancakes.

Lunch with Gertrude Stein. She got a burger in a bun with a burger on a bun and cheese in a bun on a burger.

Slipped away with Cordell to a jazz club. ‘Shimmied’ the night away to a mulatto songstress.  So stimulating!

I’ve often tried to find a new one, but Frosted Strawberry will always be my favorite Pop Tarts flavor.

Spoke to Macy’s again.  They still refuse to do a giant balloon in my image for the Thanksgiving parade.

Achieved a personal best today of 83 table push-ups without resting. Plus twenty crunches.

Saw the The Wizard of Oz again. Love that Toto. Now if they’d just remake it with a star-studded Negro cast.

Complimented on my new hat by Coco Chanel.  Should never have given up on that modeling career.

To make a President’s Day diorama, start by shaping wet maple oatmeal into the shape of Lincoln’s torso.


If you thought this diary was unbelievable, check out Space Command and the Planets of Doom: http://amzn.to/atEZo9

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