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January 18, 2017
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"There are a lot of pussies out there, and sometimes I think you might be one of them."

There are a lot of pussies out there, and sometimes I think you might be one of them. If I’m being honest, I’ve had my doubts about you. Because a real man never backs down from buying Bertolli’s extra-virgin olive oil to prove his masculinity, yet I’m not seeing any of those bottles in your shopping cart. Are you ready to man up and prove you’ve got what it takes to buy the brand of olive oil we sell?

Well, are you?

Bertolli extra-virgin olive oil is chock full of omega-3 fatty acids that will put hair on your nuts and flavor on your tongue. And you know this shit is imported from Italy, which is where the manliest olive oil comes from. Bertolli’s extra-virgin olive oil is not for wimps, so if you can’t hack it, maybe you’d be better off sitting at the kids table with the hydrogenated vegetable oil.

Virile alpha males appreciate that Bertolli’s extra-virgin olive oil comes in a lightweight bottle that’s easy to grip. Their sperm is so powerful that fertility doctors don’t even need to test its motility. They can just tell it’s the real deal by watching it punch a hole through the sample cup. Only a real limp-dick wouldn’t care about something like that, because the lack of Bertolli’s extra-virgin olive oil in their shopping bags is like a scarlet letter telling the world they can’t fuck.

A real man recognizes that Bertolli extra-virgin olive oil is great for both soups and sauces.

Your wife would immediately cuckold you if you brought home DeCecco extra-virgin olive oil. This is not hyperbole. She said that. Your children would change their last name if they saw a bottle of Kirkland Signature olive oil polluting your shopping cart. And rightly so, because how could they ever look up to a role model that shops like a cuck?

Buying just one bottle of Bertolli extra-virgin olive oil is not enough. That’s going to take at least a full case. And it doesn’t matter whether they are discounted or if you have a promo code. Price should not be a factor when it comes to proving you have balls.

A real man also follows Bertolli on Twitter.

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