What up, it’s Kanye here … I don’t know what you heard, but I’m here to tell you that Kanye West is the coziest artist in the world today!!!!!
We are in the grips of a nationwide cold snap, motherfuckers, and my bunny slippers are crushing it!! All you haters are out there bundled up in your winter sweaters and boots but NOT ONE OF YOU is as cozy as Kanye West!!! I am the coziest rap artist of all time!! No other musician in history has ever been as toasty as Yeezy!!!!!
If you doubt that Kanye West will crush all comers at being MAD SNUGGLY here is proof:
Point - I am rocking HOT CHAMOMILE TEA in my left hand and HOT CHOCOLATE WITH FOUR MINI MARSHMALLOWS in my right … If you want to get ahead in this world you never EVER take a break from your hot beverage consumption. That’s how you get to be the coziest artist of all time.
Point - I have the softest sweater … it is a CASHMERE BLEND … it has motherfucking REINDEER WALKING IN A LINE … it is RED AND WHITE Y'ALL
Point - I also have an INFINITY SCARF and a FLOPPY HAT WITH A BOBBLE
ALSO MITTENS Kanye is wearing THREE MITTENS yo most people can only handle two
Point - I am wriggling my TOES in front of the MOST CRACKLY FIREPLACE THERE HAS EVER BEEN, don’t even TALK TO ME about other fires … I got mad respect for Jay Z but I know his fire ain’t NOTHING to this fire. You know what’s on fire in this fire? Nothing but copies of My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy WHICH IS THE NAME OF A KANYE WEST ALBUM … That is how you know it is a PREMIUM WORLD CLASS FIRE.
Point - I am DROWSIER THAN ANY RAPPER ALIVE, I keep nodding off and IT IS MOTHERFUCKING ADORABLE*
*I know it is because there’s a film crew here to show me supercuts of my best nods
Point - my beautiful wife Kim and my perfect daughter Nori have been sent away at this time so I can focus on my coziness as an artist. Much love to them, I hope they are cozy
Taylor Swift is very cozy too.
Yo guess what, it’s still Christmas where I am … I don’t care if Santa’s tired, I’m Kanye West, it’s Christmas till March
I am the voice of this generation. No question. No one else has the DRIVE … or the COURAGE … or the TABBY KITTEN PURRING ON THEIR CHEST that i have going. The kitten’s name is Dominate … his belly is soft…
I AM EATING A SPECIAL COZY FOOD I INVENTED
IT’S WARM JAM YOU EAT IT WITH A SPOON