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August 27, 2017
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I Got Freaking Hammered Drunk During the Game of Thrones Season 7 Finale and Don't Remember Anything That Happened

My review of the Season 7 finale of HBO’s Game of Thrones

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Every single week for the last few years I see all of my friends posting on social media about how they like to watch this fantastic show while drinking a Game of Thrones inspired alcoholic beverage. I’ve managed to enjoy the show sans alcohol for nearly 7 seasons and that is largely because this is a complex show that requires 100% focus but it’s also because I’m a recovering alcoholic. But this week as I was browsing through the aisles at BevMo (where I usually do my apple juice shopping) I passed a variety of Westerosi liquers. The flashy labels and affordable prices swayed me. Tonight I was drinking alcohol as I watched GoT.

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My first beverage was bourbon “brewed from Braavos” in a neat little glass engraved with a fun GoT quote. As the bourbon hit my lips, memories of my drinking days came rushing back to me as the Summit at King’s Landing was held. As the great powers of Westeros met to discuss a truce I couldn’t help but recall the time all of the cool kids at Burbank High Class of ‘03 met to discuss what we were to do for Prom that year. Me and notorious troublemaker Avery J. snuck in a flask of whiskey as the cheerleaders and jocks traded barbs. The stakes and tensions were high but Avery J and I polished off the flask, in that Burbank High Cafeteria, and ultimately it was Avery and I who decided we should go with an 80’s themed Prom.

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After a few bourbons I cracked open some “wine straight from the fields of Dorne.” As Tyrion poured himself a wine while negotiating with his sister Cersei, memories of my relationship with my sisters came flooding back to me. The memory was Christmas 2003. First semester of college was done and I was yukking it up with relatives at Grandma Shaw’s in Burbank, CA, on Keystone and Olive. In the middle of a game of Monopoly and several Chianti’s deep I lashed out at my older sister Heather for swiping cash from the bank. After a slew of verbal jabs, my extended family became entrenched in a bout of physical proportions. I woke up the next morning with a broken nose and one missing contact lens. I haven’t been back to Grandma Shaw’s since.

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After three bottles of wine, I decided to make the jump to “Stark Vodka.” As I poured vodka over ice in my fun GoT glass I watched as Sansa brought her sister Arya to trial. I’m not sure what happened in this scene as I was seeing double at this point but it reminded me of another incident with my siblings around Easter of 2009.

The annual Burbank Easter Egg hunt had just finished and I was several red bull vodkas deep. Drunk but also high on the euphoria of caffeine I stole my brother Derrick’s motorcycle and took off. It was smooth sailing until I hit the I-5 heading north right after the Burbank Blvd exit. A CHP officer put on his flashers and flagged me down but the red bull wasn’t having it. I sped off, 90, 95, 100 mph down the wide open Burbank freeway.

I was eventually taken down by a pair of spike strips by Porto’s Cuban Bakery on Magnolia Blvd. I did 1 year in the state pen and my brother sued me $50,000 for damages to his motorcycle and psyche.

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With a blood alcohol content nearing 0.3 I found it difficult to comprehend the events toward the end of the Arya Stark trial so I decided to take the edge off with a variety of Westerosi beers. I found the “Three Eyed Raven Saison Ale” to pair quite well with the romantic scene between Daenerys and Jon. The scene reminded me of a time I had drunken sex with this one girl. We met at the Fuddrucker’s on San Fernando in Burbank. I went there after Sunday brunch and drinks at Granville Cafe on San Fernando in Burbank. She was my waitress and we hit it off right away. As I asked for my check she told me, “So…I get off in like 10 minutes….” And that was all I needed to hear. We went back to her apartment at the Avalon on Angeleno, in Burbank and you can imagine the rest. (We had unprotected sex) .

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Out of GoT inspired booze I went to the medicine cabinet and was met with a godsend. 91% rubbing alcohol. I immediately spun the cap off and began downing the bottle. In between gulps I attempted to watch GoT and saw what appeared to be some kind of white ice vulture, shooting fire out of it’s mouth at a wall? I don’t know, I could barely stand up at this point, but the image of this great winged creature brought back the memory of my last moment with alcohol.
It was July 4th, 2010. I was a father to that Fuddrucker’s baby. I was feeling patriotic and also I was hammered drunk.

I drove deep into the mountains and pulled over. Using a variety of bird calls and disguises, I was able to trap an American Bald Eagle from the wild. I brought the eagle home in a makeshift cage. It was flapping its monstrous wings and screeching. I thought that if I took it out of it’s cage it would behave itself. It was Independence Day after all. I unlatched the door to the cage and set the bird free in our 1 bedroom apartment on Elmwood and 4th in Burbank, CA. The massive eagle flapped about, knocking over lamps, looking for an escape until it saw something better. The eagle saw prey.

The eagle set its sights on my baby boy and flapped its great wings to gain speed. I drunkenly lunged after the eagle but missed. The eagle dove, talons first, into the crib of my child and snatched up its prey. Flying at full speed and with my crying child in tow the eagle smashed through the back patio sliding door window, overlooking the Verdugo Mountains of Burbank, CA.

It was this event that jumpstarted my decision to abstain from alcohol.

But I am happy that I picked up the habit again, if only for a night, to indulge in some Game of Thrones inspired beverages while I took in the Season 7 finale. I don’t have any idea what happened but I’m sure it was riveting. Did you drink any Westerosi beverages while watching the finale? Do you like drinking? Are you an alcoholic? If so please visit alcoholicrecovery247.com

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