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September 03, 2015

On a momentous day in Tom Brady history, Brady reveals his secret thoughts.

Septober 3, 2015

Dear Diary,

Remember me, bro? It’s Tom. Tom Brady. The quarterback and international secks symbol! I’m super handsome! Great hair all over my head! I know you remember me now. Wink.

So I got up this morning and stood in front of the miror for two straight hours, like usual. My penis is huge. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I wasn’t this incredibly good-looking large-penised man. That’s a world I don’t want to live in.

Peyton Manning can go f*ck himself.

I’m really good at feetball. I’m better than like everyone. I’m rich and also famis. Sometimes I feel like I’m too rich and famus to write my own diary. I wonder if I could get the lady who writes those Harry Potter books to right it for me. I’m rich, so I could afford it. I’m disgustingly wealthy.


I really like having sex on my wife. She’s a supermodel. I could be a supermodel if I wanted to be. I’m super at everything. Touchdown!

Peyton Manning can go f*ck himself.

Remember when I got susbended from football? Well I’m not anymore! Some judge was like “Suck my d*ck, Roger Goodell! Tom Brady can’t be suspended because he’s TOM BRADY.” I also imagine this judge has a hilarious mustache. LOL! (Laugh out loud.)

It was a grate day in Tom Brady history. I feel like I won the Super Bowl while murdering Peyton Manning in his sleep. Coach Belichick was so excited, he made his “happy frown face.” My wife was like “Let’s celebrate by having sexual intercourse on a giant pile of money.” And I was like, “Okay. But that’s the way we always have sexual intercourse.”

Goodbye, Diary. Or as thay say in French, (French accent) “Goodbye, Diary. Croissants!”

P.S.- Peyton Manning can go f*ck himself.