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Published August 16, 2008

DIRTY DOG DAILY

Saturday, April 6, 2008

Fat Bastard the Beagle Arrested for Humping Victoria’s Secret Pink and White Polka Dot Dog

By Cee Cee Writer

Five-year-old Buddy the Beagle a.k.a. “Fat Bastard” was arrested around lunchtime at the new Hill Country Gallery Bee Cave, Texas Victoria’s Secret store for humping their big ass pink and white polka dot dog.

Store officials described the scene as utter chaos. “Teenage girls were laughing and calling our polka dot dog a slut and scores of our Go Wild Very Sexy ® panties were littered across the store with their crouches eaten out,” a panicked Miss Store Manager told Cee Cee Writer of the Dirty Dog Daily.

“We caught Buddy in here last week nosing around our flirty, charming Cheekies; he’s one disturbed dog,” Miss Store Manager said. “We asked Buddy why he didn’t chew up our new Victoria’s Secret Pink bra line, but he replied without remorse that he was an ass woofer.”

Judge Olgethorpe P. Bushwakker III was going to let Buddy off on good behavior, but Fat Bastard is not known for civil conduct. Buddy the Beagle’s lawyer, Legal Beagle from the offices of Howling and Barking, defended his client by stating the Victoria’s Secret panties were three for thirty-dollars and that his client had to take a piss.

Upon announcing Buddy’s incarceration, the Beagle howled and barked in court “I’m a perfect angel,” and then nonchalantly sauntered over to the judge’s bench and pissed on his exposed leg. Buddy will be confined in the Austin City dog pound for twenty-four hours. His owner, Austin Girl, must reimburse Victoria’s Secret for the thirty pair of crouch-less panties. And the Victoria’s Secret pink and white polka dot dog secured a retraining order against Buddy the Beagle for assault with a friendly weapon.

© 2008 Cee Cee Writer posing as Austin Girl

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