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Published: January 22, 2009
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A Food Review From A Smart Eater.

"The American, by nature, is optimistic. He is experimental, an inventor and a builder who builds best when called upon to build greatly." - JFK


Just Imagine, For Several Fleeting Moments Of Your Life.

Imagine that John F. Kennedy wasn't a politician. Imagine he was a chef on Long Island. The same personal touch, the same charisma, the same love and intelligence that was put towards making America A Better Place was instead used To Just Make Good Cheap Food.

I Capitalize Important Things.

Then, and only then, will you begin to grasp who Steven Scalesse is as a human being. He makes strange experiments in his kitchen, and the result is always delicious food. The importance of this place cannot be understated, and through the English Language I will try to grasp at the soul of Tullulahs. How Good The Cheap Food is. How Nice Everyone is. From the people that work here to the regulars who just stop by to pay for Good Cheap Food. Even to the people who come here to challenge The Master Chief Wonder King Super Deluxe Laughter Chef in a game of timed chess.

If you fancy yourself good at chess, I recommend you stop by, if only to test yourself and eat good food.

My Task is A Noble One.

I Am Trying To Give Tullulahs More Business.

I will succeed in this task, but I fear my goal of trying to capture the soul of this place is an impossible task. No words can describe the sensation of having a hand cooked meal prepared by Steven and served by Neil.

Steven Scalesse is the Great American Chef, and he owns a little place in Bay Shore, Long Island called Tullulahs.

Tullulahs is a restaurant in Bay Shore On Long Island And In New York Which Resides In America.

The statement of this post is true. You probably don't know it to be true, because you already have your favorite restaurant. Everyone has one. That one, singular place to go and eat food you love. With the New Depression roaring through in high gear, it's no secret that business is bad. People are cutting expenses (which is a good thing, in some respect) and people are searching for a way to eat without going over the the top-budget wise.

Without sounding too corny, Tullulahs is the Place for you.

Bar None, it has the single best quality of food to price ratio a human could ever want. $2 dollar french fries that redefine the word quality are just the beginning in my attempt to try and understand it.

I hesitate to inject myself into this narrative, but I feel I serve truth above all else, and without me pouring personal truth into this article, you will never make it a goal to come here.

Which is what you should do.

You, The Long Island Citizen (or any Human Alive) Should make a pilgrimage to Tullulahs.

There is one man. One Gosh Dang Man who pours his heart and soul into every morsel he serves here.

His name is Steven, and his Art is Food.

Don't get it twisted, the preparation, presentation, and consumption of food is an Art, any restaurateur can agree with that statement.

I have worked in restaurants my entire life, and as a result, my pallet was unstimulated. Everything tasted the same, food was being consumed by me just because I had to eat, not because I loved to.

Tullulahs made me love food again.

It's a narrow place, and the width of the restaurant prevents any massive human traffic, but this place is not about human trafficking, it's about good food made with love and care.

There is a chalk board here, recently purchased by Steven in an attempt to "Jazz" the place up.

The chalk board has a peace sign, followed by an addition sign, followed by a Heart, followed by an equal sign, and wrapping up the brilliant equation is the most simple word all humans understand.


That's what this place is. A place for Great Cheap Food.

The atmosphere is unlike any other, with the most quality music reverberating throughout the entire establishment.

Girl Talk "Feed The Animals" is playing in the backround right now.

I, Timothy Patrick McGorry, issue a challenge to people who have never eaten here before.

If you have the time and the money, make a journey here. Make a day of it. You won't be disappointed.

He's the best chef on Long Island. Although he will probably be angry at me for telling you this, he is currently looking for another job. Something to bring in more income as he tries to keep this place alive.

If he gets a second job, the quality of the food here will suffer. He is currently putting together a breakfast menu in order to open the place up earlier. Even though I am poor, I am going to promote the place for free.

Yes. For free.

I am not asking to be paid for the time I invest into Tullulahs, because I love the place too much to ever be paid.

You have the Power To Save Tullulahs. I suggest you do it.

Long Islanders, instead of going to one of the mainstream chain restaurants (Your Taco Bells and your Mickey Dee's), come here instead. You'll spend the same amount of money, and the food will be better. You don't even have to feel guilty for betraying Taco Bell, they aren't going out of business anytime soon. They'll be okay.

If you are a rich Human with more money than god...Guess What? Tullulahs Caters to Any Affair.

If Vanity is your game, and being perceived as cool is Very Important to you, then I suggest you try your hardest to get one of our t-shirts. (Rare Supply!)

They are rare, and you will become an immortal figure of Eternal Respect wherever you wear it.

Steven has an understanding of food far beyond that of a normal human being. His knowledge of what the body needs to survive, flourish, and better itself far surpasses that of you, The Good Consumer. We make ourselves sick with the things we put in our bodies, and he aims to change that. Through his food.

I think I am hitting truth here, and truth is a liberating thing. I have never written a review of a restaurant before, and never will again.

This article is my gift to Steven and His Wife.

My motivations in writing this stems only from Love.

If this touched you, forward it to a friend. Show it to someone.

Help Tullulahs help itself. We don't want your pity. We don't want your sympathy.

Just your empathy and your desire to be satisfied through good food.

In the beginning of this article I channeled Lennon. I humbly asked you to imagine. Now, I'm asking you for something else. Come hear and try out the food.

Long Island is littered with Fast Food restaurants, but there is only one Tullulahs. It's on 4th ave in Bay shore. Stop By. Try it Out. If you already like eating here, then put a little more effort into throwing your income Stevens way. It's money well spent and you'll leave this place feeling like the Good Human You Know You Are.

If you are a rich Human with more money than God, then come here and make a donation. Pay a ridiculous amount of money for The Coolest T-Shirt You Have Ever Seen. We'll take a picture with you, and then your name will go up on the wall under a list of that simply reads....

Good Humans.

Celebrities? How about the best photo opportunity of your entire career? A Photograph that is not done to advance your career, but rather is done to show you still care about your fans?

Unless of course we aren't fans of yours. Which is still cool. Come Buy Good Food.

Come Check it Out. If you are in the NYC area, it's less than an hours drive.

I leave you know with the definition of Gourmet.


/g??r?me?, ?g??rme?/ [goor-mey, goor-mey]


1. a connoisseur of fine food and drink; epicure.


2. of or characteristic of a gourmet, esp. in involving or purporting to involve high-quality or exotic ingredients and skilled preparation: gourmet meals; gourmet cooking.

3. elaborately equipped for the preparation of fancy, specialized, or exotic meals: a gourmet kitchen.

Tullulahs Gourmet. It'll be like watching Ratatouille for the first time again. But this isn't a movie. It's Real Life.

Give it a Shot. Stop by, have a chat. Laugh and Love.

Boost The Economy.

Show Good People that Anything is Possible When You Put Your Mind To It.

Tullulahs Gourmet. Great. Cheap. Food.

See for yourself.


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