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May 05, 2015

Anna Wintour was unavailable to review this fashion at this year's Met Gala, so we asked your dad.

Your Dad Reviews the Fashion at the 2015 Met Gala

The Met Gala is a much-loved spring tradition in New York. The fashionable event marks the opening of the Costume Institute’s annual exhibit at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, and it draws celebrities who wear incredible designs, both traditional and avant-garde.

Unfortunately, Anna Wintour was unavailable to review this year’s fashions for us, so we got your father instead. Without further adieu, your dad:

The Met Gala is known for celebrities wearing clothes and last night was no exception. Let’s take a look at all the clothes people wore.


This is that woman your mother likes. She’s wearing a nice black dress. The last thing I saw with her in it was that movie with the boss from The Office. Mom liked it, but I fell asleep. Not because of the movie. I was just tired.


I don’t know what to say about this one, so I’ll say this: This woman is wearing a lot of clothes. It’s not something the women I know would choose to wear, necessarily, but I bet it provides plenty of protection from the sun and elements. So I’m all for it.


I know who this is. This is Kim Kardashian. I still can’t believe all that stuff about Bruce Jenner, but you know, it’s none of my business, and I say: Good for him. As for Kim Kardashian, you know maybe she could wear more clothes, but again, it’s none of my business.


Oh, this is Emily something. She was great in that Tom Cruise movie that had two different names. Except for all that extra fabric in the back, this dress is similar to what your sister wore to prom. You probably don’t remember this, but she picked it out at J. C. Penney’s, and it was $350, which was highway robbery. I still can’t believe I got suckered into this, but she cried about it, and we ended up buying it. She only wore it once. That thing is still in the attic.


Cher is older than I am. She’ll be 70 next year. She sure doesn’t look it. When Mimi was 70, she had her right leg amputated because of diabetes. You remember that? I bet no one’s having to add a handicap lift to their van to help Cher get around.


OK, here we go. You know, it really isn’t my place to criticize what anyone chooses to wear, but could you, my children, promise me never to imitate this? Is that a penis on the middle of the dress? What’s the point of wearing clothes if you’re just going to put a naked person ON your dress? Also, what is the purpose of that tie? I don’t usually get this worked up. I’m probably just hungry.


This is Helen Mirren. I’m not going to talk about this one, because I don’t want to get in trouble with your mom.