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November 02, 2009
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BangBoomCrashPOW

Halloween. All Hallows Eve. All Saints Day.

Halloween.

Halloween night is a lot of things to a lot of people - A fun night for the kids. A scary night for the elderly. An annoying night for dogs that hate doorbells and, I guess, just a usual night for the forgetful.

So, in the interest of fairness and since our demographic here at BangBoomCrash is kids, the elderly, dogs and the forgetful - let's weigh out the pros and cons of this traditional fright night we call HALLOWEEEEEN! (I typed it out to sound scary - had it been said aloud).

Anyway.

Pros and Cons: Halloween

Pro: Candy
Butterfingers, Snickers, Skittles, freakin' NERDS! Those awesome little boxes of Nerds that you would end up with like 50 boxes of at the end of the night. That was the best. If you are reading this and are saying you don't like candy - you're lying. Everyone loves candy. Even dentists. Especially dentists, they eat that stuff like...well, candy. Candy is the universal uniter - there's a kind of candy for everyone. Hard candy, soft candy, sweet, sour, chocolate covered, chocolate coated, chocolate filled. Yeah, candy is a definite pro. Moving on.

Con: "Candy"
Pencils, pennies, apples, toothbrushes. I once got a coupon for Halloween. I remember it vividly; it was 40 cents off Quilted Northern. I was old enough to know that was total BS and young enough to have no need for it. Sure, I could use it now, but now is too late. I don't have that coupon anymore because 10 year old me threw it out because it was not chocolate covered, chocolate coated nor chocolate filled. Someone needs to tell these people that this crap doesn't count. None of this satisfies the "treat" part of the "Trick-Or-Treat" contract. A Bic pen doesn't get you out of getting your house TP'd, even if it is orange and black. CON! MOVING ON!

Pro: Moving up to the pillow case
Somewhere around the age of 9 or 10 Halloween becomes less about your parents showing off how cute you are and more of a personal mission of yours to get as much candy as possible. That's when you get the bright idea to move from the little orange-pumpkin bucket to a pillow case. You're parents become the taxi for the night sometimes even willing to drive you 40 minutes to the rich neighborhood. Moving on.

Pro: The rich neighborhood
Somewhere around the same age that you switch to the pillow case is the time that you start building your mental map of all the neighborhoods with the best candy. You've been at this for a few years now and you're starting to notice the trends, compare with your peers and starting to know your key neighborhoods as well as your fallbacks (the neighborhoods you go where the houses are so close you can bang out 50 houses in about 6 minutes). You start to get word that 1445 Howard Ave is handing out remote control cars and 1447 is handing out $10 bills. Pro.

Con: Scary kids
Four foot high Draculas that are good at hiding in small places. No thanks. Moving on.

Con: Having to quit
At a certain age, you become too old to go Trick-or-Treating - not to be confused with 'too big' because lets face it at 5'7" I blend in with most middle-school kids and could easily pull off a night of candy harvesting. However, there's the chance that I'd run into a co-worker or friend from high school and they'd ask where my kid was. I'd have to quick act like I lost him. "Where'd he go!?!" - I'd exclaim and try to walk away, but with my luck the guy I just ran into would be eager to help me find this "kid". However, eventually I'd have to commit to my lie and steal some little Dracula to get the guy off my back. So, now at this point I've kidnapped a child and over an hour has passed - 1445 Howard Ave. is out of remote control cars and the $10 bill house turned off its porch light. Con.

Hmm...I seem to have listed just as many cons as pros, but let's face it Halloween is awesome. It's definitely my favorite holiday. I love everything about it, Quilted Northern coupons and all.

Happy Halloween from BangBoomCrash!

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