The Facebook Friends of Shame - Round 3

By Ben Palmer December 18, 2010 | 910 Views

It has been several months since round two of The Facebook Friends of Shame. Not only do I have way too many Facebook friends, I have way too many Facebook friends that suck. It's time for me to delete another ten.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you…Round 3.

THE FACEBOOK FRIENDS OF SHAME

Karsten Marie

How I know her: Former coworker

Reason for deletion: Too personal

Karsten Marie I hate my family. Ignorance. Lies. Bullshit. Karsten, you have succeeded at two things: 1)Treating Facebook like your personal diary 2)Showing strong potential to begin a career writing crappy taglines for movies that go straight to DVD Ignorance. Lies. Bullshit. For $1.99, purchase “Out for Justice” starring Stephen Segal. Goodbye Karsten.

Matthew Stumhofer

How I know him: Friend of brother

Reason for deletion: Questionable athletic ability

Matthew Stumhofer this is how we start a kickball event

Matthew Stumhofer, you posted pictures of the beer you drank before playing in your kickball league. I would be extremely surprised if you finished those beers. For a man to have the desire to play kickball, he should either be in third grade, gay, or mentally retarded. Since you are none of those things I am forced to break ties with you. Matthew, when you wind up to kick the slow rolling rubber ball, try not to sprain your vagina. You’re done.

Keither Ambrose Rose

How I know him: Friend/Acquaintance

Reason for deletion: Creepy

Keither Ambrose Rose ...your lips, your eyelashes, your skin... these are the parts of your body that cause my comatose to begin...

This was hard for me because he has a fun name. Keither. Say it out loud right now. Wasn’t that fun? Now whisper it. It’s a fun name to whisper. I can’t help but imagining Keither railing his girlfriend while she whispers in his ear softly “Oh Keither.” Anyways, Keither, I find it ironic that your name rhymes with creeper, because this status update made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Farewell Keither.

Amy Meeks

How I know her: Friend of a friend

Reason for deletion: Poor choice of pet names

Amy Meeks Interests: <3 my only one…BUBBY! Amy, I’m not entirely sure what your relationship is with Bubby, but I’m going to need you to stop calling him Bubby. My first question about Bubby is, does Bubby know what you are calling him Bubby? And if so, is he pissed that you call him Bubby? I do know one thing, Amy. I can’t associate myself with anyone who calls their boyfriend that. Goodbye Bubby.

Bart Kinsey

Bart Kinzey The new Health Care Plan.."Cash for Caskets"

Bart,that was a good one. Also your name is Bart. Get out.

Bill Carlton

How I know him: Friend or something

Reason for deletion: Posting pictures of guns

Bill Carton On the left, Glock 33 subcompact .357 SIG; on the right, Glock 21 standard .45 ACP.

Bill, you made the news for flashing a gun at McDonalds. Not only was it dumb, but you have posted many pictures and status updates bragging about it. Bill, I hope you accidentally shoot off one of your toes so that you have horrible balance.

Johnnethen Charles Perkins

How I know him: Former coworker

Reason for deletion: Talks to dolphins

Johnnethen Charles Perkins then again... i would go to dolphin cove and just talk to the dolphins for hours on end, when WoA actually existed.

Johnnethen, I like you, but I need you to stop talking to dolphins. It’s not going to get you anywhere in life. I realize that dolphins do fun things like breathe air through a little hole in the top of their head. But if you communicate with dolphins too much, eventually you will begin talking like a dolphin. I cannot associate myself with someone who makes weird clicking noises. Goodnight Johnnethen.

Deb Nischelle Ellington

How I know her: High school classmate

Reason for deletion: Posted dumb chain message

Deb Nischelle Ellington No one should die because they cannot afford health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you agree, please post this as your status for the next 24 hours.

I have bad news. The person who started this trend just died because they couldn’t afford health care. Way to go Deb. Maybe if you would have posted this status update more often. Now we won’t have the pleasure of reading more of his/her ideas that everyone can agree with, such as: “Murder is mean” and “Gross things are icky” and “No one should ever die. Ever.”

Ben Palmer

How I know him: He is me

Reason for deletion: Disturbing status update

Ben Palmer – I want to sweat inside of you.

Ok, look. I know that I haven’t been completely innocent of being a positive contributor in the Facebook world. Even I am not exempt from my own wrath. So let me just say this: Self, that was disgusting, weird, and disturbing. No one wants to hear about your pathetic urges to sweat inside of whoever it is that you want to sweat inside of, self. What can your sweat urges even accomplish, self? What kind of freak would want to do something like that? Self, you are now a member of the Facebook Friends of Shame. Thanks for playing. We enjoyed you on the show.

http://palmersprayers.blogspot.com

Up next: The Facebook Friends of Shame - Round 4