Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you…Round 3.
THE FACEBOOK FRIENDS OF SHAME
- How I know her: Former coworker
- Reason for deletion: Too personal
Karsten Marie I hate my family. Ignorance. Lies. Bullshit.
Karsten, you have succeeded at two things: 1)Treating Facebook like
your personal diary 2)Showing strong potential to begin a career
writing crappy taglines for movies that go straight to DVD Ignorance.
Lies. Bullshit. For $1.99, purchase “Out for Justice” starring Stephen
Segal. Goodbye Karsten.
- How I know him: Friend of brother
- Reason for deletion: Questionable athletic ability
Matthew Stumhofer this is how we start a kickball event
Matthew Stumhofer, you posted pictures of the beer you drank before playing in your kickball league. I would be extremely surprised if you finished those beers. For a man to have the desire to play kickball, he should either be in third grade, gay, or mentally retarded. Since you are none of those things I am forced to break ties with you. Matthew, when you wind up to kick the slow rolling rubber ball, try not to sprain your vagina. You’re done.
Keither Ambrose Rose
- How I know him: Friend/Acquaintance
- Reason for deletion: Creepy
Ambrose Rose ...your lips, your eyelashes, your skin... these are the
parts of your body that cause my comatose to begin...
was hard for me because he has a fun name. Keither. Say it out loud
right now. Wasn’t that fun? Now whisper it. It’s a fun name to whisper.
I can’t help but imagining Keither railing his girlfriend while she
whispers in his ear softly “Oh Keither.” Anyways, Keither, I find it
ironic that your name rhymes with creeper, because this status update
made me feel uncomfortable in my own home. Farewell Keither.
- How I know her: Friend of a friend
- Reason for deletion: Poor choice of pet names
- Amy Meeks Interests: <3 my only one…BUBBY!
Amy, I’m not entirely sure what your relationship is with Bubby, but
I’m going to need you to stop calling him Bubby. My first question
about Bubby is, does Bubby know what you are calling him Bubby? And if
so, is he pissed that you call him Bubby? I do know one thing, Amy. I
can’t associate myself with anyone who calls their boyfriend that.
- Bart Kinzey The new Health Care Plan.."Cash for Caskets"
- Bart,that was a good one. Also your name is Bart. Get out.
- Bill Carlton
- How I know him: Friend or something
- Reason for deletion: Posting pictures of guns
- Bill Carton On the left, Glock 33 subcompact .357 SIG; on the right, Glock 21 standard .45 ACP.
you made the news for flashing a gun at McDonalds. Not only was it
dumb, but you have posted many pictures and status updates bragging
about it. Bill, I hope you accidentally shoot off one of your toes so
that you have horrible balance.
- Johnnethen Charles Perkins
- How I know him: Former coworker
- Reason for deletion: Talks to dolphins
Charles Perkins then again... i would go to dolphin cove and just talk
to the dolphins for hours on end, when WoA actually existed.
I like you, but I need you to stop talking to dolphins. It’s not going
to get you anywhere in life. I realize that dolphins do fun things
like breathe air through a little hole in the top of their head. But if
you communicate with dolphins too much, eventually you will begin
talking like a dolphin. I cannot associate myself with someone who
makes weird clicking noises. Goodnight Johnnethen.
Deb Nischelle Ellington
- How I know her: High school classmate
- Reason for deletion: Posted dumb chain message
Nischelle Ellington No one should die because they cannot afford
health care, and no one should go broke because they get sick. If you
agree, please post this as your status for the next 24 hours.
I have bad news. The person who started this trend just died because
they couldn’t afford health care. Way to go Deb. Maybe if you would have
posted this status update more often. Now we won’t have the pleasure
of reading more of his/her ideas that everyone can agree with, such as:
“Murder is mean” and “Gross things are icky” and “No one should ever
- How I know him: He is me
- Reason for deletion: Disturbing status update
- Ben Palmer – I want to sweat inside of you.
Ok, look. I know that I haven’t been completely innocent of being a
positive contributor in the Facebook world. Even I am not exempt from my
own wrath. So let me just say this: Self, that was disgusting, weird,
and disturbing. No one wants to hear about your pathetic urges to
sweat inside of whoever it is that you want to sweat inside of, self.
What can your sweat urges even accomplish, self? What kind of freak
would want to do something like that? Self, you are now a member of the
Facebook Friends of Shame. Thanks for playing. We enjoyed you on the