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Lindsey Lohan went to jail, but was quickly released. Now ladies, if your man prematurely ejaculates, you can discretely tell your friends that he “Lindsey Lohan’d.” At first, I thought she was arrested for all of those shitty movies she made, but apparently if you’re always wasted on prescription medications and alcohol, they say you “have a problem.” So, I guess Lindsey Lohan and I are a lot alike, except for the shitty movie part. Oh wait, I was in a PBS movie when I was 8. I guess the only difference then is that I am not a lesbian; although I could be if I drink enough.

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