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August 03, 2010

We should take away her BlackBerry more often.

Day 1

I’m having a sever allergic reaction to these horrible clothes. Don’t they know this is a medical condition and I need my leggings back? Why would the court system want me to DIE in jail for a crime I dont even remember commiting? Tried calling @samantharonson but I guess she’s too busy being a CHEATER to be there for me when I need her. Our relationship was so adequite before she let her family turn her against me.

Okay, going to go ask the guard where the salon is. Need a spray tan touchup and thinking about going back to brunette to look a bit more like a Mean Girl ha ha. Sometimes I wish I were mean!! @KimKardashian

Day 2

I can’t believe that correctional officer wouldn’t let me go to breakfast just because I got to the mess hall four hours late!! I’ve been SET UP! Do they really want me to starve to death here like the children in Morocco and India that I saved and this is how the court system chooses to thank me? @schwarzenegger

Day 3
SOOO EXCITED! My new best friend Annie the Fridge just told me she can get me cigarettes for only $12 a pack! Everyone should go to Annie for their smokes! [Sponsored]

Day 4
Annie told me that she would help me run lines for Linda Lovelace tonight. I guess SOME people know how to be a good friends unlike @samantharonson.

Day 5
I can’t BELIEVE how mean/cruel/backstabbing some people can be. Annie is NOT my friend at all. She would make a great new girlfriend for my EX-father Michael. They can both talk about what it’s like to be backstabbing jailbirds.

Day 6
Getting a new tattoo today! An “88” on my wrist—for the 88 keys on the piano cuz I can’t wait to get out of here and get back to the studio and recording my album @JohnCMayer. My cell mate/new best friend Eva’s going to do it for me. She has TONS of cool ink, even on her face!

Day 10
Haven’t been writing lately cause I’ve been spending a lot of time reading the bible. Still trying to get thorugh that part where all those guys are begating each other. Bethleham sounds weird—going to visit there when I get out to save some children and promote my spray tan line.

Day 11

Finding a lot of strength since having turned to Kabbalah (@aplusk). This red string is supposed to protect me, but I’m still having trouble with annie. It probably would work better if it weren’t just one of my old extensions that fell out.

Day 12
Tried reading the Quran today and Eva got totally mad at me!! She said that members of “The Brand” shouldn’t be caught reading that shit. WHAT BRAND?! MY brand? 6126 is for EVERYONE including arabians!! But I guess they probably don’t need spray tan, so maybe that’s what she’s talking about? WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO ME?!!

Day 13
Omg, my last day here! Gonna miss Eva and Annie so much. Eva got moved to maximum security because she killed annie in the shower—sad!!! But I told her I’d wait for her until she gets parole, and I’m going to keep my word! (@samantharonson) Luv u bella!

But I can’t wait to get out and get back to work! Having my release party tomorrow @ the Palms—see u there, right @peaches_g?!!