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August 11, 2017

People are cool. Naked people are cooler.

It’s the weekend. You’ve got your snacks, bevies, and your favorite spot on the couch - you’re about to watch some sports. You’re seeing strong, toned people compete against one another in an array of ways - slamming into one another, jumping out of each other’s reach, and perhaps even pinning one another down mad hard into the earth. The only thing missing: hardcore graphic nudity. It’s a crucial factor in our primal need to compete. Here’s a list of different sports that would be way, way better with nudity.



Watching someone powerfully and accurately kick the ball into the corner of the net is exciting as hell, but if their genitals were swinging along with it - well, that would be so cool.



Tennis is a sport that takes stamina and agility and shit. These athletes really lay it all out there on the court. Now, if they really laid it all out there by being naked and letting us see their butt cheeks jiggle that would be so cool.



What a rough, yet beautiful sport hockey can be. The athletes artfully glide on top of ice while literally punching each other in the face. If they did this all, but they were naked too- and we could see their baby makers - it would be so cool.



These gigantic athletes sacrifice their bodies for our entertainment every week - so why not sacrifice a little more and show us what god gave them, amiright? We’re like, already halfway there. If we could see their private parts smash into one another - that would be so cool.



This sport demands accuracy and fearlessness, dude. Athletes leap from obstacle to obstacle all on a piece of wood and wheels while flipping and spinning and shit. Just think about what their privates would look like if we could see them as this all went down. It would be so cool.



This game requires mental strength. The athletes have to remain calm and focused at all points of the game. Now picture their bathing suit area just doing its thing while they attempt to be composed. Haha so cool.


Sumo wrestling

This sport already gets the whole “nudity is the best idea” thing – the athletes wear next to nothing. Might as well go the extra step, remove that mawashi, and show it all, baby. Big boys colliding into each other – man, that would be so cool.



Lots of jumping in this sport. You already get it. So cool.


Not even sure

Just seeing people compete in whatever activity they’re doing is ok, I guess. Like, that’s a start. But, I’ll watch it longer and harder (and I mean harder) if I’m seeing some skin. God, I love nudity. It’s so cool.