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September 30, 2017

A man needs his comforts.

Me: I know you like to be comfortable but this is ridiculous.
Conan: It’s not just about comfort, friend. This is about maximizing my naps so I can be more efficient in my awake time.
Me: You’re awake time amounts to about a total of 4 hours a day.
Conan: Exactly, I need to be efficient with those 4 hours.
Me: You don’t even do anything during those 4 hours!
Conan: That’s because I don’t have the proper pillow!!
Me: It’s not the pillow!
Conan: Just wait till I find the right one! I’m gonna be as efficient as hell!
Me: Whatever. Here, try this one.
Conan: Nope.
Me: You haven’t even tried it.
Conan: Don’t need to. I can tell by the pattern it’s gonna be lumpy.
Me: You can’t tell that by a pattern!
Conan: You know nothing about dogs.
Me: Well, that’s it. That’s all the pillows.
Conan: That’s not much of a selection.
Me: You tried 9 different pillows! Before we started I didn’t even know we had 9 different pillows!
Conan: Are you sure you don’t have something else in the back?
Me: What back? There is no back! Every pillow we own is right here!
Conan: Ah, you said every pillow we OWN. So there are others…
Me: No. We will not go out and buy more pillows. You need to pick one of these and deal with it.
Conan: Fine. I’ll take that one.
Me: This one?
Conan: Yes.
Conan: Yeah, I know. I like it cause it’s got my stink on it.
Me: I give up.