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September 07, 2009


Ever notice how the phrase "calm down" almost always has the opposite effect?

How is a person can leave their turn signal on for 42 miles in the same lane and yet not use it when changing to the opposite lane?

Why are library books and rented movies always due back the day before you find them while cleaning up around the house?

I mentioned this as a comment on someone else's blog, but it bears repeating.  Our softball team was really bad.  I think we lost just about every game we played.  So we named our team "Off Constantly."  It wasn't that our play was always "off," we just figured at least that way when the other team creamed us, they would have to tell people that they beat Off Constantly.  We weren't exactly the darlings of the church league.

Why is the end of a condom called a "reservoir" tip.  Isn't that being just a little grandioso?  Holding back the Jonestown flood are we?  I mean really, wouldn't "drip tip" be a little more apropos?  Reservoir?  Next thing you know we'll need a little Dutch boy to stick his finger in the crack.  Uh... no... maybe not.  Michael Jackson RIP.

And why do we call it football?  There's only two players on the entire team that ever touch the ball with their foot, and they only come in on special plays - like a punt or a kick off or an extra point or field goal.  At no other time during the game does the ball ever come into contact with anyone else's foot.  Of course, what else could we call it?  Pointy ball? 

How come when a hair is still attached to your head, people don't mind, in fact, like to touch it?  But if the same person's hair is on the floor and found by someone else, it's the grossest thing on the planet.  Did it die more on the way to the ground?  Is it in some state of decomposition that sucks more than a vacuum cleaner on steriods... you know the kind that can suck the color out of a carpet?