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  • 0-9: “boobies - squeeze em?”
  • 10-12: “naked ladies who don’t look like my teacher / mom / sister”
  • 13-18: “barely legal teens, but not so creepy because in statutory sense i am also a non-legal teen”
  • 19-22: “barely legal teens, but now a little creepy”
  • 23-29: “barely legal teens, but now I should probably have to register as a sex offender for my continued interest in this”
  • 30-39: “porn remake of Shawshank Redemption?”
  • 40: “dirty messed-up sick-shit hate-my-life midlife-crisis come-on-internet-show-me-your-worst porn”
  • 41-49: “couple in love has a nice sexy time”
  • 50-59: “Richard Nixon hot hot undies pic?”
  • 60-69: “naked ladies who don’t look like my daughter / granddaughter / first-wife”
  • 70-79: “sailors kissing ladies in major metropolitan centers following the conclusion of global military conflicts porn”
  • 80-89: “big naturals”
  • 90-100: “Hello Gerald? Is this the email? I can’t find the email. Hello? Gerald? Hellloooo?? Hmm. I don’t think this is the email. Well, while I am here, Computer, please show me some porn.”
  • 100+: “boobies - squeeze em?”
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