July 7, 2008, 9 am eastern standard time
I woke up this morning and drank a crazy new energy drink that one of my buddies is now selling. The drink went right through me. Luckily this time I was just fast enough to get my boxers part way down and hover over the bowl before I exploded. That explosion really woke me up so I guess the energy drink did its job. It did leave a nasty mess all over the back of the toilet seat and the seat itself, not to mention the inside of my thighs. I hate it when it takes longer to wipe off the shit than it took to actually take the crap. Besides the energy drink, other drinks that seem to make me poop immediately include Mountain Dew and coffee. If other people suffer from these drinks, don't worry, you are not alone. There are people out there, including me, who can and will try to help you through this. You are not alone! I will be back the next time I have a bowel movement, which could happen again at any moment. By the way, my friends have started calling me "Shotgun". Smell you later.