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Published September 06, 2008 More Info ยป
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Published September 06, 2008

The condemnation of "momma's boys" isn't new. Momma's boys are kind of like the ocean in the way that they occupy more of the earth's surface than we ever really think about. Perhaps that's why we are all so adrift...bobbing up and down upon the waves of our sorrow...or some such bullshit. I listened to a voice mail from this guy that I live with's mother, and I realized that down to having the need to articulate every detail of every drawn out action (ie I used my left hand to take the keys off the keys hook, put on my shoes, opened the door, went through the door, closed the door, locked the door with said keys, etc), has come directly from a source. And by "a" source I actually mean THE source. Now, I am SO guilty when it comes to talking. Being female, I am predisposed genetically to have lots of random, useless snid bits to verbalize myself, but the randomness has a purpose as it fills the air with unspecific topic and allows for others to jump on board with a similar pattern of randomness and then the hilarity ensues. It's called "making conversation". The difference to talking to and talking AT someone exists in how we dispell random verbatage. Now, the guy that I live with, he's English (as in from England), so he has this accent which for some reason gives the impression to people that he's much smarter, much more charming and much more mannered than he actually is. In truth, he is neurotic and snotty and he uses patronizing British cliche's and slogans like "You have to be cruel to be kind" or "Be mean, keep them keen", and other such garbage as a means to justify completely unrepentant douche behavior. Rather than issuing apology, he coughs up this snot and pretends that he hasn't, in fact, been a douche, he is simply English. Does anyone actually buy this??? How am I supposed to respond? "Well, if you put it THAT WAY..."???? I have girl friends who cry about their guy's not talking and I want to put out a global warning to them all that goes something like this. "If you know anything about men, the you know it's better when they don't speak." Unless they are comedians/writers on Funny or Die...of course :)

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