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Published: May 08, 2008
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...Album ever:  "A Chris Gaines Hanukkah"

...type of cancer to get:  Soul cancer. Wait, sorry I spelled it wrong...sole cancer, on your feet...because it would probably be a pain to walk. 

...porno movie ever: "Jimmie 'J.J.' Walker's Melancholy Masturbation!"

...idea for a breakfast cereal:  "Hom-O's"

...cover of an AC/DC song ever:  the guy who works at my Post Office singing/mumbling "Hell's Bells" while he gets me a book of stamps, until he starts weeping.

...thing to say on a date:  "Hello, Kathy Griffin".

...thing to put in your eye:  a giant, sharp stick dipped in AIDS.

...person to ask for marital advice:  Toucan Sam, since he's only a fictional, cartoon bird.

...Grey's Anatomy doctor:  McSodomy

...career move ever:  Steve Irwin stabbing himself in the heart with a stingray, just "to show that I kick ass so hard".

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