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July 25, 2016
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Guys, can we just... like... I'm sure there's something we aren't seeing so... like... come onnnnn, right?

Yesterday, immediately after Debbie Wasserman Schultz resigned as chair of the DNC amid scandal, Hillary Clinton announced that Schultz would serve as an honorary chair within her campaign. Many progressives have shown outrage to this decision, claiming that it displays obvious corruption, but below I offer a firm defense of the hiring of Debbie Wasserman Schultz.


Come onnnnnnnn, guys.

Like, I know it looks bad, and like, I know that this is exactly the move that Hillary would do in someone’s Bernie Sanders fan fiction but, like, I mean, come on it’s not THAT bad. Right? Like, even though it seems like an Andy Borowitz article came to life, in the grand scheme of things it’s not that bad. Right?

I mean, come onnnnnnnnnn. Just let this one go. Please? She’s giving Schultz a job, right? Can’t we not see it as corruption and instead see it as, I don’t know, job creation I guess? That’s good? That would be a good spin we could all give this story?

And like, come on, what is an “honorary chair of my 50-state program,” anyway? Like, is that even a job? Doesn’t seem like it is. If I got hired as an “honorary sandwich artist” at a Subway that wouldn’t be a job, right? It’d be weird they went out of their way to announce that, but it wouldn’t be a job. So did Hillary really hire her? Or did she, just, make it really seem like she did for some reason. Like maybe her team heard about the resignation of Debbie Wasserman Schultz and said: “Let’s not hire Debbie but instead use verbiage that seems like we did, and really play into everybody’s stereotypes of our campaign.” Maybe they thought that was a good idea? You know? None of us can know for sure, but maybe that is what they were going for? All press is good press?

Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. Come. On. PLEEEEASSSSE!

Yes, the timing is really bad, both for the convention and for all of us who came to Hillary’s defense on Facebook. Like it sucks that this news came out right after I made a Facebook post saying: “Sure the DNC is corrupt, but Hillary wasn’t really involved. You know, it’s not the Steelers fault that the refs gave them Super Bowl 40. It was the refs fault!” Like, that is really bad timing, and yeah, made me look like an idiot, but come on, right?

So, yeah, am I happy Hillary hired DWS when she did? No. But do I think she had to do it? Absolutely? Maybe?

I mean, come on guys, let’s just forget about it. Let’s talk about it for 24 hours and then just drop it. If Trump did this we’d all forget it immediately! Let’s do that for this news too! Come on!

And like, Florida. Debbie Wasserman Schultz is from Florida, and, so, it’s a swing state, so like, Hillary had to do this? For some reason? Come on. It’s Florida.

In conclusion: I know that when this news broke we all thought it was a fake article from Red State. But now that we know it’s real… can we just… I mean come onnnnnnnn. Trump, guys. Come onnnnnn. Please?

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