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May 19, 2016

Billy Corgan wants to talk about conspiracy theories, but Alex Jones really just wants to talk about "Tonight, Tonight."

Billy, thank you for being on my show again. I truly do appreciate that you came prepared with a bunch of truth bombs about social justice warrior brainwashing and the oppression of the white man. If it’s okay with you, do you think we could take a little breather from the illuminati talk and chat about The Smashing Pumpkins for a bit?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t disagree with your statements about the CIA’s army of literal zombies–it’s just that we spend a lot of time on Infowars trying to wake up SHEEPLE and counter the New World Order, and maybe it would be kind of refreshing to expose a different inside job. Perhaps The Smashing Pumpkin’s 1995 double album, Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness? Maybe you could give us some leaked documents about how you got that amazing guitar tone on “An Ode to No One.” What about drummer Jimmy Chamberlin? That guy is an MKULTRA-good drummer. Do you guys hang out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Bernie Sanders is the Anti-Christ and global warming is lie made up by the vegetable lobby. Billy, I’ve had you on my show three times now and you still haven’t given me an encrypted TOR about your musical process. I have a guests come on my show with cold hard facts about chemtrails and mind control tap water every damn episode. Give me a Panama Papers about Siamese Dream. Give me an intercepted cable about Gish. Someone orchestrated the controlled demolition that was the Smashing Pumpkins’ 1998 commercial failure, Adore, and I think you’re the only mole that can blow the whistle.

So please, take a break from the whole technocrats and hashtag-generation ramblings for a second and let’s talk about distorted guitars and dream pop. I’ll even settle for sanitized facsimile about Zwan. Sure, Mary Star of the Sea was a false-flag to distract the status quo from the decline of alternative rock, but I liked a couple of songs off that album.

-Alex Jones